Randomness the story!
by padme's sister
Summary: Its here at last! The story you all probably haven't been waiting for! But who cares! Its random, funny and...well...random! The rating has now changed to T, so you have been warned!
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: Well here it is guys...the story I've forgotten to post for a zillion days...its RANDOMNESS!**

**Now before we begin, can I just say a few things? **

**Ok, this was the story I was going on about for ages in one of my other Doctor Who fics, called, surprisingly 'Randomness'...**

**I am a character in this story, as are several other Doctor Who fans who asked to be...so if you want to be too, just tell me.**

**This chapter is a little slow at starting, but I promise it will get better, and more random soon!**

**This fic is inspired, but not copied, on the Star Wars story 'Jedi Worstcase scenario: What not to do' (which is a brilliant story that I insist you read!) I have kind permission by the author of that story, and she's even said that she'll help me out from time to time too...YAY!**

**Ok, I think thats it...I don't need to do a disclaimer do I, coz its pretty obvious that I don't own Doctor Who (although I do ownthe Doctor, K9 and Rose action figures! realises what she just said and how sad her life is)**

ENJOY!

oOo

The Doctor was in his favourite spot under the control console one day, tinkering with the wires when he heard several footsteps and looked up to see Rose pulling on a jacket and dashing for the door.

He loudly cleared his throat and she spun on the spot to see him emerging.

"Sorry Doctor, can't stop...got some friends to meet," she appologised before dashing out of the door. The Doctor raised his eyebrows and was just about to resume his place under the console when Jack ran past him, also heading for the door.

"Oi! Where you going?" he called and Jack also spun on the spot.

"Gotta go buy some popcorn, we're all out coz you ate it all. See ya!" and with that he also sprinted out of the door.

"Charming!" the Doctor muttered. He was just about to resume his place yet again when he heard more footsteps and another girl ran past.

"Who the hell are you?" he called as the girl spun on the spot to face him.

"I'm Timeless Escape," Timeless Escape replied.

"And how the hell did you get on my brilliantly fantastic ship?"

"Um...because I'm pretty?"

The Doctor was about to protest, thought better of it and said "But that still doesn't explain how you got on my ship."

"Ask the author. I gotta go. Sorry."

And with that Timeless Escape ran out of the door aswell. The Doctor pondered for a moment, then picked up a broom that had suddenly appeared beside him and jabbed the ceiling. "Oi! You up there!"

"OW!" an angry female cried out. "What?"

"How did Timeless Escape get on my ship?"

"I let her on. Why, you got a problem with that?" Padme's Sister (thats me! I'm also narrating!) snapped.

"Yes. It's my ship...my rules!"

"But this is _my story...my rules_!"

"Ah, fair point," the Doctor realised. "Well can you at least ask me before letting someone else on?"

"Maybe," Padme's Sister replied slyly as she appeared beside him, hands in her pockets, and the Doctor sighed. He was about to go back to his work again when he suddenly thought of something else.

"How come I can talk to you? You're the Author."

"Coz I'm special, and I wrote myself into the story," came the reply and the Doctor shrugged.

"Whatever," and with that he did crawl back under the floor.

"Hey wait a minute, how come I'm always under the floor? It's so degrading!"

The Doctor pulled himself out again and glared at the author. Padme's Sister shrugged.

"Everyone else seems to like sending you there, and you're always under it in the tv programmes, so what do you expect?"

"I'll have you know that I was under the floor once!" the Doctor cried. Padme's sister was about to argue when the door flew open and Rose ran back in.

"Hey Padme's Sister!" she called, waving frantically before diving back into her room, re-emerging a few seconds later with a scarf.

"Hey Rose. Hows it going?" Padme's Sister asked happily.

"Great! But I really have to go. I'll see you later!" Rose replied before bolting out of the door again.

"Hey wait, Rose knows you?" the Doctor asked, dumbfounded.

"Of course she does. We have long midnight chats about you and your big ears."

"Hey, there is nothing wrong with my ears!" the Doctor protested, holding his hands protectively over them.

"You know, the name Dumbo comes to mind when I look at them," Padme's Sister laughed and then vanished in a puff of blue smoke, causing the Doctor to cough and choke.

"Weird," he thought before getting back to his spot under the floor.

"HEY! I don't like being under the floor!"

"And shouting ruins your vocal chords!" the Author reprimanded before causing another puff of blue smoke.

"And what was that for?"

"I dunno...felt like it I guess."

"Get on with the story!"

"Shut up Dumbo!"

The Doctor stuck his bottom lip out and sulked for the rest of the day.

oOo

Rose and Timeless Escape returned later with bagfulls of make-up and beauty products.

"Hey Doc, can we test these out on you?" Timeless Escape asked, holding up a brilliant red lipstick.

"NO!"

"Vocal chords!" Padme's Sister warned and the Doctor jumped out of his skin.

"Do you have to do that! Can't you at least send some warning first!"

"Fine. Next time I'll do this," Padme's Sister replied and caused another flash of blue smoke.

"Not again!" the Doctor coughed. Padme's Sister appeared beside Rose and Timeless Escape, hands still in her pockets and a lolly sticking out of her mouth.

"Hey! Wait till Dumbo's asleep then test it out on him," she whispered.

Rose and Timeless Escape's eyes lit up and they nodded eagerly. Then the Doctor, who'd recovered by now, turned to Rose.

"I thought you hadfriends to meet?"

"I did. They're right here," Rose replied, stepping to the side and nodding to Padme's Sister who shrugged and clicked her fingers. Miss Kiwi and Mayuko-Chan suddenly appeared in a flash of green smoke and caused the Doctor to step backwards so that he fell off the step he'd been standing on.

"Can you stop with the smoke!"

"Nope," the author grinned and disappeared in a puff of blue smoke. (What he doesn't know is that there's even more fan people to come later on...teehee.)

"I heard that!"

"Damn...well you were gonna find out sooner or later anyway."

Another puff of blue smoke and the Doctor jumped back again. "Cut it out!"

More puffs of multi-coloured smoke chased the Doctor down the hall and out of sight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note: Hey guys, so glad you liked the first chapter...I personally thought it was cack, but there we go. Anyways, this chapter is up so early because I'm celebrating the fact that Doctor Who is back on today, and I already know the plot...ish...so if you wanna know what happens, I can tell you...Anyways, thats not the point...**

**Something else that hasn't got a point is this story, but it's fun to write, and hopefully fun to read, so sit back, relax, enjoy, get a nice hot (or cold) drink...whatever floats your boat...oh yeah, and read!**

**oOo**

Later on, Padme's Sister was moulding a miniature TARDIS out of some dried up modelling clay, and Jack was lounging on the sofa munching popcorn. There was a loud yell, and then Rose ran into the room and dived behind the sofa.

"What's up?" Jack asked casually, flicking a bit of popcorn up into the air, then catching it in his mouth.

"Wait till you see the Doctor," Rose giggled. "Oh, and you haven't seen me by the way."

Exactly 2.5 seconds later, Timeless Escape legged it into the room, followed closely by Mayuko-Chan and Miss Kiwi.

Mayuko-Chan dived behind the curtain (even though the TARDIS doesn't have any windows!) and Miss Kiwi clambered into a cupboard that, for some unknown reason, was full of paper clips.

Timeless Escape ran round and round the room like a headless chicken, screaming "I have nowhere to hide!"

Padme's Sister calmly produced a Milky Bar Chunky from her pocket and threw it behind the sofa. Timeless Escape immediately stopped running round and dived after it, causing Rose to scream in surprise. Then there was silence (except for Jack and Timeless Escape who were munching away on their snacks) until, exactly 5.6257777777777777777777 (the narrator goes on and on, so a new narrator takes over and pushes the old one out the window) seconds later the Doctor charged in and Jack and Padme's Sister stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"Wow Doctor, you look nice," Jack said then frantically shoved popcorn in his mouth to try and stop his giggling.

"Shut it! Both of you!" the Doctor yelled, attempting to wipe the make-up off his face with his sleeve. Clearly the others had caught him sleeping and carried out Padme's Sister's suggestion, because now he had bright red, sparkling lips, a powder white face with rosy cheeks, blue eyeshadow, gold mascara and black eyeliner. He also smelt strongly of perfume and his perfectly manicured nails were painted pink.

"Have you seen Rose? She's in big trouble. So are the others," the Doctor growled.

"If you mean the four girls who just ran in here and hid behind the sofa and curtain, and in the cupboard full of paper clips, then no I haven't," Padme's Sister replied calmly.

"Oh. Well if you do see them, tell them I need a 'word'," the Doctor said. Then as an after thought, he added "You can take this all off, can't you? Seeing as you're the author of the story?"

"Course I can," Padme's Sister replied, getting up off the floor. "But I'm not gonna."

"Why?"

"Because I have more important things to do."

"Like what?"

"Like do this."

There was a puff of-

"Yes, I know. A puff of blue smoke!"

"Will you let me finish!"

There was a puff of _pink _smoke and Padme's Sister ran out of the room, screaming "Give me chocolate!"

"Give me strength!" the Doctor muttered, sitting down on the sofa, just as another puff of pink smoke (I felt like changing the colour) blinded him, allowing the others to leg it from the room to find different hiding places, or in Jack's case, go on the hunt for something (although I have no idea what).

"Wood!"

Ok, Jack went on the hunt for wood (but again, I have no idea why.)

"To build a time machine!"

O...k...so Jack went on the hunt for wood to build a time machine within a time machine.

oOo

Meanwhile... (Hey it's the meanwhile guy! I haven't seen him for ages. It's usually oOo guy...oh wait, he came before meanwhile guy...anyway, back to the story - If you can even call it a story!)

Two hours later (see the Doctor isn't the only one who can mess with time!) the Doctor had calmed down and the fan girls and Rose had come out of hiding.

Mayuko-Chan and Padme's Sister were making milkshakes in the kitchen, Rose was giving Miss Kiwi a manicure and Timeless Escape was wandering around singing "Oh I'm just an insaniac maniac! And I've lost my braniac!"

Suddenly there was a puff of...hmmm...I think we'll have gold smoke this time...anyways, there was a puff of gold smoke and another fan appeared.

"Who are you?" the Doctor asked angrily, earning him an explosion of blue smoke for being so rude.

"Cut it out!"

"I'm Xkinky-bootsX," replied Xkinky-bootsX. "Pleased to meet you. Got any Rolos?"

"Any what?"

"Any Rolos...I love Rolos!"

"Erm, no...sorry. Hang on, the author may have some though."

The Doctor picked up a broom that had appeared beside him and poked at the ceiling again, but this time there was no answer (because I'm in the kitchen!)

"Oi!" the Doctor poked the roof again. There was a huge puff of red smoke which caused the Doctor to fall over backwards. "ENOUGH WITH THE SMOKE!"

"You called?" Padme's Sister asked, wandering in sipping a chocolate muffin milkshake.

"Do you have any Rolos? And whats with the multi-coloured smoke?"

"Well, yes I do have Rolos- they're in the kitchen, and as for the smoke, I like being random."

"You're telling me."

Bang! Puff of blue smoke.

"Don't be rude," Padme's Sister warned and the Doctor glared at her.

"Have you set a curse on me or something, so I explode in blue smoke everytime I'm rude?"

"No, but good idea!"

Padme's Sister snapped her fingers. "Now say something rude."

"Erm...you're a rubbish author and this isn't even a proper story?"

BANG! Blue smoke!

"Woohoo!" Padme's Sister punched the air excitedly and the Doctor slapped a hand to his head.

"There'll be no living with her now."

BANG! Blue smoke!

"How was that rude!"

"Ok, I'm gonna go find some Rolos," Xkinky-bootsX said nervously, then ran away screaming.

Padme's Sister paused for a moment, then cried "Tag!", whacked the Doctor on the arm, then ran away screaming aswell.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note: Hey guys, so sorry for the delay in posting, but my internet's been messing about, which is why I'm gonna keep this note short and sweet. Thanks for so many great reviews, and I'm glad you all still like my story, so enjoy!**

**Now to see if it will let me save...oh it did, YAY!**

oOo

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Mayuko-Chan was making her speciality milkshake - a quadrupple combo, double twist, extra hyper deluxe delight (try saying that when you've had a few!). It was a milkshake that consisted of coffee crisp, smarties, rolos, milky bar chunky, gummy bears, spoonfulls of sugar (why does that remind me of Mary Poppins?) and chocolate ice cream. Infact, there was so much sugar and caffeine in it that one sip would send you hyper.

She spooned it all into a gigantic mug, stuck several straws in it and carried it out into the control room.

"COME AND GET SOME OF MY QUADRUPPLE COMBO, DOUBLE TWIST, EXTRA HYPER DELUXE DELIGHT!" she cried and there was a mini stampede as everyone except the Doctor came running and grabbed a straw. Just a they were all about to take one massive sip, the Doctor appeared and gasped.

"Gasp! Don't you dare drink that!"

"Why not?" Miss Kiwi asked innocently. "It has smarties in it! I love smarties!"

"Because its dangerous!" the Doctor cried, snatching it away. "Its far too overloaded with sugar and caffeine. You'll rot your teeth and be up all night!"

"Spoil sport," Rose huffed, then she had an idea. She turned to Padme's Sister and whispered something in her ear. A huge grin spread over the author's face as she listened to what Rose had to say.

"Alrighty! Be right back!" she cried and vanished in purple smoke. She came back a moment later with a notebook and pencil andshe and Rose began plotting a despicable plan to get their milkshake back off the Doctor, who was taking it down the corridor to tip down the sink.

While they were waiting, the other fans crowded round Jack, who couldn't help but flirt with them all at the same time.

Suddenly Padme's Sister disappeared again and the TARDIS rocked violently. The Doctor came running back in (still holding the milkshake) and set it to one side, causing everyone to immediately pounce on it. However, no-one had bothered to tell the author that they had their drink back, so she kept shaking the TARDIS violently.

"We're under attack!" Timeless Escape screamed.

"Everyone to your pots - I mean posts!" Mayuko-Chan cried.

"What posts?" the Doctor asked with raised eyebrows, but everybody was already moving. Rose took her favourite position by the railings, Jack ran down to the kitchen and shoved the milkshake in the fridge, Mayuko-Chan and Miss Kiwi ran over to other parts of the railing, and Xkinky-bootsX sat in the middle of the floor hugging an air guitar made out of bananas, while Timeless Escape ran around like a headless chicken again.

"OI! CUT IT OUT!" the Doctor yelled at the ceiling, earning him weird stares from his companions, but he didn't care.

"Did I forget to mention thats not me?" Padme's Sister answered as she stepped up behind him and made him jump.

"AAARGH! Bloo-"

BANG! Blue smoke!

"I never said anything!"

"But you were going to. This is a K+ fic, so no swearing please."

"Um excuse me, we're still under attack!" Timeless Escape screamed from her new position under her umbrella, (which magically appeared out of nowhere, just like everything else in this story).

"Oh, right, the shaking. Hang on," Padme's Sister said, then squeezed her eyes shut tight. A moment later the shaking stopped, and the TARDIS returned to normal (if it was ever normal in the first place).

"What did you do?" Jack asked as he returned, protectively craddling the milkshake.

"I turned the washing mashine off. I left my laptop on it by accident."

"Ohhhh," everyone sighed, except the Doctor.

"Come on Doc!" Padme's Sister said, digging her elbow into his ribs.

"Ohhh," the Doctor repeated, rather unenthusiastically. Then he saw Xkinky-bootsX's air guitar made of bananas. "Bananas! I like bananas! Banananas - "

"You mean bananas?"

"Whatever. Bananas are good for you!"

"Got any Rolos?" Xkinky-bootsX asked.

"Got any smarties?" Miss Kiwi replied with a cheeky grin.

oOo

"I'm bored!" seven voices whined simultaneously, later on, as the Doctor tinkered with some wires-

"Not under the floor, please!"

"Let me finish!"

- as the Doctor tinkered with some wires _above _the floor on the main console.

"Anyway, why are you bored? You're the author!"

"Hey, even the most fantastic story writers like me run out of ideas sometimes," Padme's Sister sighed. The Doctor rolled his eyes, pulled out the sonic screwdriver and used it on some loose wires.

Mayuko-Chan's eyes lit up as she got an idea (insert flashing baloon here).

"Flashing baloon?" Everyone asked together.

"Well light bulbs are boring! And such a cliche!"

Anyways, as I was saying before I was so _rudely _interupted.

BANG! Blue smoke!

"Cut it out!"

Anyways, Mayuko-Chan had just formulated a brilliantly random plan. When the Doctor set his sonic screwdriver down on one side, she wandered over and pretended to take an interest in what he was doing, then swiped the screwdriver when a puff of blue smoke warned him for cursing out loud.

oOo

Meanwhile...

Timeless Escape, Miss Kiwi and Rose had found a pack of playing cards and were now inventing their own game.

"Got any threes?" Rose asked Miss Kiwi, who smiled and replied "Go fish!"

"What's that mean?"

"No, I haven't got any threes."

"Oh, right. Got any fours?" This time the question was directed at Timeless Escape, who studied her cards and then said "Free the peas!"

"And that means?"

"Yes, I have two fours," Timeless Escape replied, handing over the two cards.

Pretty soon the three of them had worked out their own unique answers and responses such as "Flying cheese!", "Bananarama!" and "Ramalamadingdong!" were soon filling the air.

Xkinky-bootsX was sat in a corner frantically scribbling in a bright pink polka dot notebook (found under the Doctor's pillow) when she looked up, chewing the end of her pen.

"Hey guys. which came first? The chicken or the egg?" (Now there's a question that could keep the Doctor busy for years!)

"Why?" Jack asked at last.

"Because I'm trying to write a story, but I need to know which came first," Xkinky-bootsX replied.

"Did somebody mention chickens?" Padme's Sister groaned. "Oh hell!"

"Why, what's wrong?" Rose asked.

"That!" Padme's Sister pointed towards Timeless Escape, who was now reeling off random nonsense about chickens. No matter what anyone did, they couldn't get her to stop.

"Never, EVER mention chickens around Timeless Escape!" Padme's Sister moaned. "Four months of art lessons with her have taught me never to do that!"

"And how long will she go on for?" Miss Kiwi asked worriedly. Padme's sister shrugged.

"This usually snaps her out of it," she replied, then cleared her throat and said, deliberately loudly, "So remind me again what Fruit Baskets is all about. Is it that one where the tiger fancies the goat?"

"Nooooooo! Not the goat! The SHEEP!" Timeless Escape corrected, snapping out of her C-H-I-C-K-E-N induced trance.

"What's that spell?" Timeless Escape asked. "Chi-"

"Chips!" Rose shouted quickly (saving the day!) "Who wants chips?"

"Me!" Everyone except Mayuko-Chan and the Doctor replied, charging out of the door.

"You don't want chips?" the Doctor asked.

"Nah. I got work to do," she replied, so the Doctor shrugged and left her to it.

"Yeah right! Like I'de ever leave a stranger in the TARDIS alone!"

"Just go!" Padme's Sister appeared behind him, pushing him through the door, much to his disgust.

Mayuko-Chan pulled out the Sonic Screwdriver and set to work, apparently fixing the TARDIS (which doesn't actually need fixing!)

"Tee hee!" she giggled as she ripped out some wires and re-attached them in completely the wrong places.

"I'm an insaniac braniac, and I've lost my maniac!" she sung Timeless Escape's song, except she mixed up the words.

"I did? Oooops. I'm just an insaniac maniac, and I've lost my braniac!"

Padme's Sister nodded in approval, then ran out of the door to catch up with the others before they could wreak uncontrolled havoc in the streets of some random town they'd landed in. (Notice I said 'uncontrolled' there. Controlled havoc is perfectly acceptible and is often called hyperness, or total randomness!)


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Note: Ok, this author note is dedicated to Joshwales, who's been consistently asking me when he'll be in the story...good news Joshy! You're in! Also, welcome to everyone else who is added...there's so many now, I loose track! Oh, and also I won't be able to post for a few days, possibly not till after the weekend because I'm finally moving house and this means my internet's gotta be disconnected blah blah blah! **

**Enjoy! (ok, that was a random jump, but I don't care! I'm in too much pain to care! but don't let that put you off reading!)**

**oOo**

When Padme's Sister and the Doctor finally caught up with the others, they were all crowded round Rose, who was typing a number into her phone. She flicked it to loudspeaker and motioned for everyone to be quiet.

_"Hello Homeware fridges and freezers. How can we help you?"_

"Tell me sir," Rose answered, trying not to giggle, "Are your fridges running?"

_"Yes they are, ma'am."_

"Well hadn't you better catch them then?" she cried, then hung up and everyone (including the Doctor - gasp!) burst into hysterical giggles.

"My turn!" Miss Kiwi cried, so Rose handed over the phone and Miss Kiwi also dialled a number.

_"Hello. County Library. Can I help you?"_

"No thanks, just browsing," Miss Kiwi replied, then hung up. Everyone else was rolling on the floor laughing, when Mayuko-Chan joined them.

"Hey, Doc...we got a new member..." she said, motioning to the guy following her.

"Hi my name's Joshwales, but you can call me Joshwales," he replied, holding out his hand to them.

"Hi Joshwales. Do you need your marbles testing?" Timeless Escape replied and Joshwales raised his eyebrows.

"My what?"

"Your marbles. Do they need testing?"

"Um...no..."

"Oh. Hey Doc, how about I test your marbles?"

And without waiting for an answer, Timeless Escape rammed her knuckles into his head, shouted "Nougie!" and then ran away screaming.

"After that...person!" the Doctor cried, his hands grasping his head where Timeless Escape had just given him a nougie.

"So glad I said no," Joshwales said to Xkinky-bootsX, who nodded as they ran after Timeless Escape. She wasn't that hard to follow, because she'd always divert into any shop that had Milkybar chunkies or sherbets in them. However, this also meant that Mayuko-Chan, Xkinky-bootsX, Miss Kiwi, Padme's Sister and Joshwales also got distracted too, by the mountains of their favourite sweets.

Then Rose diverted into a clothes store and Jack into a pub.

"Why don't I get to go anywhere?"

"Because you were rude to me earlier," Padme's Sister told the Doctor, who just slumped down on a park bench.

"Hey cheer up. It might never happen!"

"With you as the author, it never will!"

BANG! Blue smoke!

oOo

Later on, the group were sitting in McDonalds and the Doctor was studying Padme's Sister's laptop. The two had made up earlier when Padme's Sister had appologised.

"Ha!"

AND so did the Doctor.

"Damn it...I'm sorry."

Good...now, as I was saying...Timeless Escape had gone up to order everyone's meals with Mayuko-Chan, and everyone else was just goofing around with the straws and paper napkins. Jack was showing them how to make pea shooters out of the straws, and Rose was making origami flowers out of the napkins.

Just then a monkey walked past with a tin opener.

"What are you doing with that?" the Doctor asked. "Monkeys are supposed to eat bananas."

"Yeah, but I fancied some custard with them today," the monkey replied. The Doctor shrugged and turned back to the laptop.

"So what's this website?" he asked, clicking on one called fanfiction.

"Oh no! Nonononononononononononononono! (wtf?)" cried Padme's Sister, trying to snatch the laptop back. But the Doctor was too fast for her.

"What you got there?" Rose asked, peering over his shoulder. "Ooooh go to TV shows!"

The Doctor clicked on 'TV shows' and then scrolled down to see what options there were.

"Hang on...Doctor Who? Isn't that us?"

"Yeah," Rose said in bewilderment. "Go on, go to it!"

So the Doctor clicked on it, read a few of the articles that appeared on the next page, then screamed "Oh my god!" in a girly voice.

"Oi, I don't have a girly voice!"

"But you do have my laptop, so give it back!"

"Take off the girly voice!"

"Give back my laptop!"

The Author and the Doctor argued for ages until Timeless Escape came back with the meals, and Mayuko-Chan with the drinks.

Suddenly there were two puffs of pink smoke and two more fans appeared.

"What did you do?" Padme's Sister cried, evil glaring the Doctor.

"I did nothing! They just appeared!"

"Oh...well I'm still gonna evil glare you, because you still have my laptop!"

"Hi, I'm Light Queen of Lilies, and I have a dictionary if thats any use?" one of the new fans introduced.

"Great, if we need to look up the definition of 'annoying little twerps', we'll let you know," the Doctor huffed.

"Light Queen of Lilies, welcome to our random story. I grant you permisison...I mean permission, to use that dictionary in any way that you see fit," Padme's Sister said.

"Any way I like?"

"Absolutely anything."

"Great!" Light Queen of Lilies replied, and she whacked the Doctor over the head with it.

"OW!"

"And who are you, gorgeous?" Jack asked the second newcomer, who glared at him, then sat herself down between Padme's Sister and Rose.

"I'm Cloudhaven94."

"Ah, you're the one who suggested that he finds out about fanfiction," Padme's Sister remembered and Cloudhaven94 nodded in delight.

"Thats me!"

"HEYLO!" Mayuko-Chan called to some random stranger over the other side of the restaurant as she came back with the meals (hang on, didn't Timeless Escape just come back with the meals and Mayuko-Chan with the drinks?). And then she turned to someone else that she'd never seen before. "Wow, its so nice to see you again! How have you been?"

Pretty soon, Mayuko-Chan's random greetings, the Doctor's girly voice and Jack's home made pea shooters had scared everyone else out of McDonalds, leaving the ever increasing group on their own.

"I'm off to get some flowers, back in a minute," Padme's Sister said happily and everyone looked at her.

"Where are you gonna get flowers from in McDonalds?" Rose asked.

"The girls loos," came the reply.

"Why on earth are there flowers in the girl's loos?" Jack dared to ask and Padme's Sister shrugged.

"The story wasn't random enough."

"Oh, so monkeys just walk past you everyday with tin openers, do they?" the Doctor said sarcastically.

"Well not monkeys...just my brother," Padme's Sister giggled then went off to get the flowers. She returned later with half a dozen Roses (and I don't mean the flowers either!)

"Oh brilliant! Who cloned Rose?" Jack asked in amazement as all seven Rose's began greeting each other.


	5. Chapter 5

**Authore Note: Hey guys...big cheer! I moved at last! HURRAH! And now I have finally updated, I hope this chapter won't be a dissapointment after all the waiting...please forgive me if it is...my brain is still scrambled from all the unpacking and trying to work out what goes where and where I can find stuff...oh and the new series of Doctor Who isn't helping much either...keeps getting me distracted, but hey! **

**Enjoy!**

**Oh and thanks for all your great reviews. Please keep em coming, I love to read them.**

oOo

"It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world!" The Doctor cried at the top of his lungs as the group were kicked out of McDonalds later.

"Why do I have to sing?"

"Because I said so! Besides, it's a Disney song - be happy!"

"Fine!"

Meanwhile, Rose -

"Which one?"

"Erm...normal Rose?"

"Oh, ok..."

So _normal _Rose spotted a chippy a little way away and diverted into it, everyone else following.

"Do the maccarena!" Timeless Escape cried, and started dancing to it, even though there was no music. Rose purchased chips for everyone and then they all turned to Timeless Escape who was busy minding her own business and dancing to no music.

When she realised what she was doing, she blushed and then an idea struck her, quite literally, as the word CONGA, dropped down on her head from an overhead sign. (Why would a chippy have a sign saying 'Conga' on it? Even I don't know why I put that!)

"Do the Conga!" she cried, and everyone jumped into line behind her, except for the Doctor, who was pushed and pulled into it instead.

"A rum bum bum bum bum - bah! Rum bum bum bum bum - bah!" Miss Kiwi sang loudly as everyone conga'd out of the shop. Jack and Joshwales (who was now wearing a cloak like the Master wears, btw) were busy giggling at the fact that Miss Kiwi had just said 'bum' in a K+ fic, while all the Roses were confusing everyone and the Doctor was grumbling at the stupid apes he'd been stuck with.

Suddenly there was a puff of green smoke and yet another fan appeared!

"Oh just brilliant!" The Doctor muttered, ignoring the blue smoke now. "Another stupid ape I get stuck with!"

"Everyone back to the TARDIS! STAT! STAT! STAT!" Padme's Sister suddenly cried, and everyone turned to look at her.

"Whats with the STATS?" Jack asked innocently.

"Well, STATISTICS say that in exactly 1.745698234987456666666666666666666666666 (Padme's Sister continues to reel of numbers until the Doctor slaps her) seconds, I am going to kill the Doctor for slapping me!"

And with that, she chased him down the road back to the TARDIS. He ran up to the door and leant on it so that he could catch his breath when the door opened and he fell straight through it, landing flat on his ar-bottom. (That was a close one!)

He glanced up to see who had opened the door and saw a figure all in black with a great big mask and a long cape, holding his hand out to him.

"Doctor. I - am - your- father!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the Doctor screamed, dragging himself away from Darth Vader as the others finally arrived.

"Oh, you made it then? Finally!" Padme's Sister grumbled, crossing her arms and glaring at Vader.

"Sorry. Luke put up more of a fight than I expected, then I had to stop off and get Sidious some flowers for his mum."

"Oh...well next time just ring me, ok?"

"Erm, excuse me, what is Darth Vader doing in Doctor Who?" Jack and Joshwales asked together, stepping forwards boldly, all the fan girls cowering behind him.

"Well, I felt like letting him join the fun," Padme's Sister shrugged, holding her hand up and patting Vader's shoulder which towered way over hers. "Besides, in the Christmas Invasion (which hasn't happened yet...I've decided...) they steal the laser from the Death Star and call it Torchwood...Vader's just here to re-claim his weapon. Isn't that right, Big V?"

"Big V? I thought that was my name?" V (yes, the guy fawkes guy who has a vendetta against practically everybody) said as he emerged from the bathroom, drying his hair.

"V, I thought I told you not to use my shampoo!" Rose -

"Which one?"

NORMAL Rose cried, taking a sniff of his black hair. It smelt of peaches and appleblossom (is that even possible?).

"Whoa, hang on! Now we have Darth Vader and V in the TARDIS?" The Doctor was cowering in the corner. Two of his most hated villains (asside from the daleks and cybermen and stuff) had just appeared.

"Can I just point out that V's technically not a villain?" Timeless Escape asked, before quickly hiding under her umbrella, munching on another Milky Bar Chunky that Padme's Sister had just thrown to her.

"Yeah, and nor am I. I'm just misunderstood," Vader added, before he hid under Timeless Escape's umbrella aswell and tried to use the force to nick the milky bar chunky off her.

"I bet you used my moisturiser too!" Rose cried at V, then as an after thought she grinned cheekily and said "Moisturise me! Moisturise me!"

"Moisturise me! Moisturise me!" her clones copied. "I'm going to take over Rose's body and snog the Doctor!"

"Ha ha ha...NO! That's not funny!" Rose snapped at her clones, who just kept repeating "Moisturise me! Moisturise me!"

"Did I just hear Cassandra?" Miss Kiwi asked, spinning on the spot. "She really freaks me out! So does that 'Mummy...are you my mummy?' boy!"

"Ok hang on. How the hell did we go from Darth Vader to Lady Cassandra and empty child impressions?" Mayuko-Chan asked, thoroughly confused now. Rose just shrugged, huffed (because she was in a mood now) and turned to the other Roses.

"Clones! To the bathroom! Collect as much evidence as you can to prove that V's been using my make-up and stuff!"

All the Roses, including Rose, ran off to the bathroom with their detective kits that they'de ordered from damn, I left Evey to blow up the Houses of Parliament without even explaining what the domino in the train's for!" V cried suddenly. He grabbed his black cloak, threw it round himself and vanished in a puff of red smoke.

"And I left Luke hanging off that metal thing with no hand!(I wanted to add a joke here about Vader giving him a hand, but it was just too corny!) I must save him and borrow twenty quid for Leia's birthday present!" Vader cried, before trying to copy V's vanishing act and just getting tangled in his cloak. Once Timeless Escape had helped him untangle himself, he yelled "To the Bat Cave!" and ran off through the TARDIS doors.

"Seriously, this story's so mixed up!" Joshwales sighed, digging into his pockets and pulling out a chocolate yo-yo, which he began to eat, much to Mayuko-Chan's protests ('your supposed to flick it, not eat it!').

"All we need is Captain Jack from Pirates of the Caribbean, and your path towards the randomness will be complete," Timeless Escape said to Xkinky-bootsX in a perfect impression of Emperor Palpatine. Padme's Sister's eyes lit up and she glanced in Jack's direction.

There was a huge puff of gold smoke and Jack was transformed from Captain Jack Harkness to Captain Jack Sparrow, complete with the beads in the beard and stuff.

"Stop blowin' holes in my ship!" he cried.

"Brilliant!" everyone cried (although the Doctor's was a sarcastic 'brilliant')

"And really bad eggs! Drink up me 'arties. Yo ho!" Jack sung as he staggered off to the kitchen to find some rum, followed by Timeless Escape, Xkinky-bootsX, Miss Kiwi, Joshwales, Light Queen of Lilies (who, until that point had been repairing her dictionary), and Cloudhaven94, (who'd been climbing up the coral supports, completely unnoticed by everyone else).

"I guess that just leaves you, me and the new kids then," Padme's Sister said to the Doctor as another three fans appeared beside the first, who looked utterly baffled and bewildered, and stunned and every other word that means confused.

"Confuddled!"

Yes, and confuddled...thank you random voice with no body!

"Hitherewhatsyournamewheredyoucomefromdoyoulikestrawberries?" Padme's Sister asked, holding a microphone up to the first fan.

"Erm..."

"Hello Erm, welcome on board! And same question to you." She turned to another fan.

"Erm..."

"And you?"

"Erm..."

"And finally, same question to you!"

"Erm..."

"Four Erm's in ten seconds, thats gotta be a world record!" Padme's Sister consulted the World Record Board that was decending from the ceiling. "It is! We just broke a new world record! Congratulations! All that sugar's gone to my head. I need to lay down!"

Padme's Sister vanished in blue smoke.

"Well I got work to do..." the Doctor said, getting up off the floor at last. "I'm the Doctor by the way. What's your name?"

"Who Wolf."

"Kates Master."

"Ads230"

"Ldyknight"

"Nice to meet you all. Run for your life!"

But instead of the fans running, the Doctor ran instead - down the hall and into the depths of the TARDIS.

"Erm...do we really want to be here?" Kates Master said to the others, who just shrugged.

"We asked to...so I guess we're stuck here now!"

The word 'Fantastic!' flashed up in bright green and red letters above their head, then confetti rained down all around them and fireworks exploded above their heads.

"PARTAY!" everyone screamed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Note: hmmm...for once I dunno what to say...thats mighty unusual...hmmm...oh well...hmmm...I know, I'll just say hmmm all the time...hmmm...hmmm...hmmm...hmmm (voice trails off into darkness) (can your voice even do that?)**

oOo

Now where did we leave off last? Ah yes, I remember...this is just the way your father looked before he...NO! That's the Lion King! Curse you Doctor! Now seriously, where were we? Ah yes...

"PARTAY!" Everyone screamed.

Suddenly Michael Fatly - I mean Flatley appeared centre stage, tapped out the Doctor Who theme tune then was burned up in purple flame (because smoke is only for special people!)

"We pilage and plunder. We rifle and loot. Drink up me 'arties - Yo ho!" Jack and his motley crew of miscreants sang as they drank all the sparkling peach water on the TARDIS, because they couldn't find any wine (and it tastes just the same anyway).

Suddenly Rose and the clones came charging back in, accompanied by the Arena theme from Attack of the Clones (See also Star Wars, Lucas - George, fiction...you get the point! Why do books even add notes like this anyway? I don't see the point of them because they really annoy me! Infact, why the hell did I even add it in the first place? Oh who cares, back to the story!)

"V...oh hang on, what's his surname?" Rose asked.

"Erm...Vendetta?" Joshwales suggested.

"And middle name?"

"For?"

"Thanks. V FOR VENDETTA! GET YOUR AR-BUT (another close one!) DOWN HERE NOW BEFORE I - " (The rest of the colourful insult is drowned out by Jack's singing so that I don't have to change the rating.)

Suddenly V appeared.

"Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."

"Are you like a crazy person?" Rose asked worriedly, before remembering that she was supposed to be mad at him. "I can think of much worse to call you! You used up all my shampoo! And my Beyonce perfume! And my moisturiser!"

"Ah yes, but a revolution without pampering and beauty is a revolution not worth having!"

"What revolution? You're just a - " (again the curses are drowned out by Jack's singing.)

"I best be off, I have a train to catch!" he announced suddenly and did his fancy cape dissapearing trick again.

Then Luke Skywalker appeared, clutching the remains of his arm. "Hey could anyone lend me a hand?" he asked hopefully and Padme's Sister kicked herself for allowing such a cheesy joke to be written into the story...who is writting it anyway, if she's in bed?...Oh well, who cares!

"Why don't you just re-grow your hand, like us Time Lords do?" The Doctor asked as he re-appeared.

"Because I'm not within the first fifteen hours of my regeneration cycle, meaning that I don't have enough residule cellulare energy to do that."

"English please?" Miss Kiwi asked.

"I'm not a damned Time Lord!"

"Oh, well why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

Luke chose to ignore that comment and turned to the others. "Twenty quid would be good too. Dad borrowed it then threw it down the drain going 'eh eh eh'. I think that mask has seriously damaged his brain!"

"Or he's been watching too much Little Britain," Mayuko Chan suggested.

"Oh man I LURVE DE CAKE!" Joshwales blurted out.

"Dust? Anybody? No? Dust? Anybody? No?" The clones repeated over and over as they marched around the room holding up signs that said "V DID IT! SPREAD THE WORD! V DID IT! SPREAD THE WORD!" (purchased from then, Padme's Sister finally appeared, grinning madly and holding a remote.

"Whatcha got there?" Kates Master asked her curiously.

"A new toy I've been working on for about nine billion years!"

"Oh...you're nine billion years old? Wow, you only look like seventeen!"

"Seventeen billion years old! Thanks a lot...NOT!"

"No I meant seventeen years old only...no billions or anything and please just forget I said anything...do continue."

"Thankyou. Anyways, it is a remote that can create anyone you want...par example! (that's french!)" She typed in a sequence of numbers. "Ok...I've just typed in a date. Here's a list of all the people born on that date...pick one."

"Hmmmm," Kates Master scrolled down the names. "Ooh! ORLANDO BLOOM!"

"GREAT CHOICE!" Padme's Sister cried as she chose Orlando's name. There was a blinding flash and Orlando appeared infront of them, thoroughly confused and confuddled.

"Mine!" Padme's Sister and Kates Master both cried together, lunging towards him in an attempt to snog him first.

"Orlando Bloom!" Timeless Escape noticed - nominating herself for Queen of stating the obvious, along with Princess Leia and some woman on the TV the other day! - before lunging for him aswell. The three girls chased him away into the TARDIS, leaving everyone else in fits of hysterical laughter, except the Doctor who just sulked.

"When can I regenerate? I'm bored of this drab, boring look."

"Not yet," Padme's Sister said as she ran past, chasing Orlando, with the other fans right behind (and I mean electric fans now...not the fan girls).

"So where are the fan girls?" Orlando asked.

"Here we are!" they all cried, jumping out infront of him and trapping him.

"MINE!" Padme's Sister declared, diving on top of Orlando and rugby tackling him to the floor.

"BUNDLE!" everyone shouted and piled on top.

"HELP!" Orlando cried.

"A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME!" Jack bellowed.

"I WANNA REGENERATE!" the Doctor whined.

"I BLEW UP THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT!" V celebrated.

"I AM YOUR FATHER!" Darth Vader announced.

"I HAVE A HEADACHE!" Rose groaned.

"I LOVE MILKY BAR CHUNKIES!" Timeless Escape screeched.

"I AM THE TARDIS!" the TARDIS decided.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author Note: Ok sorry for the delay in posting guys...I don't actually have an excuse...no wait, yeah I do! I was writting reports...ok...not such a good excuse, but its the truth, so there we go...I also wrote this chapter in a rush, so if its not very good, thats why...don't blame me, blame Time! The Doctor may have pleanty of it, but I certainly dont!**

**Well, enjoy!**

oOo

"Doctor, can we pull over? I'm gonna be sick!" Rose cried and the Doctor looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Rose, we're in the TARDIS, not a car. Go use one of the bathrooms."

Rose got up and legged it to the nearest bathroom while the Doctor shook his head. "That'll teach her to eat all those chips," he muttered. "And Jack, stop trying to make rum out of those strawberries! Miss Kiwi, don't eat all the ice cubes! Cloudhaven 94, stop climbing up the coral supports! Light Queen of Lilies, stop using up all the tape on your dictionary! Padme's Sister, leave Orlando alone!"

"And Doctor, SHUT UP!" Everyone shouted back at him, causing him to step backwards in surprise and fall down the step into a bowl of custard, conveniently left there by Joshwales.

Before he could curse and force the rating to change again, Rose reappeared.

"Hey guys! Look what I found in the bathroom!" she announced as she held up a book. "Its my Doctor Who sticker book!"

"There has definately got to be some paradox here or something," the Doctor muttered.

"Wow, I have one of those!" Padme's Sister replied, ignoring him and also Orlando, who'd collapsed with exhaustion by now. She sat down beside Rose and pulled out her own copy.

Soon the two of them were swapping doubles and sharing their stickers.

"Ooooh! Stickers! I love stickers!" Timless Escape cried, sitting herself down with them and pulling out her own album too.

"Thickers! I want thum thickers!" Miss Kiwi cried, an ice cube stuck to her tongue. "Where can I get thum?"

"Doc, we need a newsagents!" Padme's Sister called to him as he came back from the wardrobe, now completely custard free.

"What's in it for me?" he asked.

"Erm...a kiss from Rose?"

"EW!" Rose cringed.

"Well...one of your clones then?"

"Alright."

"Deal!" the Doctor cried, eager to get them to a newsagents as quickly as possible.

Soon almost everyone on board the TARDIS had their own sticker book and the Doctor was contemplating how many packs of stickers to buy them.

"Why do I have to buy them?"

"Because we'll leave you in peace for however long it takes us to stick them in our albums?"

The Doctor picked up the whole box and plonked it on the counter, along with Orlando's poster mag, Padme's Sister's copy of the Doctor Who magazine, Light Queen of Lilies' new dictionary, and enough chocolate to feed a small army.

oOo

"There's me! There's me! There's me! There's me! There's - no thats not me...There's me! There's me! There's me! There's me!" Rose was saying happily as she flicked through her huge pile of stickers.

Padme's sister was trying to do a deal with Timeless Escape over the shiny sticker of the 10th Doctor, Xkinky-bootsX and Miss Kiwi were covering each other in stickers and Mayuko Chan was having such a good time sticking stickers in that she didn't realise she was sticking them in the wrong places.

"Anyone got a double of 69?" Ldy Knight asked. Joshwales sniggered and Padme's Sister glared at him.

"Oi! Be'ave! This is a K+ fic and I ain't about to change the ratin' coz you have a dirty mind! Why am I talking like this? Oh dear!"

"Well where's my clones? And my red smoke?"

"Patience young one," Padme's Sister chided - chided...what a funny word! - She turned to Rose.

"You want your clones any more?"

"Nup. You got the shiny TARDIS sticker?"

"Dunno, check my pile."

Padme's Sister turned back to Joshwales. "You can have Rose's clones. Now you have clones!"

"But I wanted clones of ME, you fruitloop!"

"Well why didn't you say so!" Padme's Sister cried.

"I did say so!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"How many clones do you want?"

"Did too!"

"If you've already done two, what're you complaining about?"

"Huh?" Joshwales asked, suddenly confuddled.

"How many clones do you want?"

"Erm...ten?"

"Done!" Padme's Sister replied, pinching him on the arm.

"OW! So where are they?"

"Patience! Oh and Rose, I think I gave that shiny TARDIS to Miss Kiwi!"

"Stop doing that!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Padme's Sister asked Joshwales innocently.

"Confusing me!" Joshwales wailed.

"Oh shush! Look here come your clones!"

Ten Cybermen marched into the TARDIS.

"Ye-ah," Joshwales said slowly, backing away. "They're not me."

"No (insert swear word here) Sherlock!" Padme's Sister replied. "So my friends, how can I help you?"

"We-are-here-to-offer-you-a-free-upgrade."

"I see. And let me guess - the upgrade is compulsory?"

"Correct."

"Hmmm," Padme's Sister pondered, looking around at all her new - slightly crazy - friends. Did she want them all to become Cybermen too? Not ruddy likely!

"I'm sorry gentlemen, but I'm simply gonna have to refuse your kind offer. We like the way we are now...don't we guys."

Several nods.

"Then-you-will-be-deleted."

"Ye-ah...slight problem there. You see, if you delete me, who would write this story? It would get lost in the fan-fiction archives and gather imaginary dust. You would be condemning a perfectly pointless story to death."

"You-are-correct."

"I know I'm correct, you plank! Now you delete me, and I'll just delete you right back! My finger is hovering over the delete button as we speak."

"Exterminate! (oops, wrong villain) Delete! Delete! Delete!"

"Hey look! I deleted the Cybermen! Whoo, yay for me! No, wait...they stole my brain!" Padme's Sister cried. "Give me back my brain, you brain stealing...stealers!" She vanished in a puff of blue smoke, going on the hunt for her brain.

"So, who's writting the story now?" Mayuko-Chan asked.

"I could try?" Rose suggested, putting her stickers away.

"Cool, but first you've gotta get _him _off _that_!" Miss Kiwi replied, pointing to the Doctor who'd been so busy reading stories on fanfiction that he'd completely missed the whole Cyberman incident.

"Some of these are actually rather good," he said to Rose as she approached. "I mean, take this one by our friend Ads for instance..." He turned the laptop in Rose's direction. "Its called the Alphabet and it's all about you. Each letter represents something about you. How clever is that!"

Rose was just about to join him in reading Ads' story when she remembered she had one of her own to write.

"Give! I have no A-levels, but I do have a story to write!" She snatched the laptop off him.

"This story is doing perfectly well without an author," the Doctor noted.

(Long silence)

"Ok, give me that! Now shush, let me concentrate!" Rose snapped. She began thinking of a suitable way to begin her story, which is infact a continuation of this one.

"Hmmm...Oooh I know!" she began typing frantically.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!


	8. Chapter 8

_**Author Note: Hey guys, its me - Joshwales. Now, because Padme's Sister has lost her brain and Rose is stuck on the impossible planet, I promised them both that I'd help them write this chapter. For those of you who don't know who I am, I am The Who-Ru in Totally Doctor Who - Episode 4. I beat Joe Pickley! So erm, yeah...this is me, Joshwales, writting this chapter to you, and I hope you like it.**_

**(Yeah and this is Padme's Sister - I have edited this chap a little so that it fits in with the rest of the story, but all credit for this chapter is going to Joshwales. If you want to write the next chapter, by all means feel free to do so. Just send your written chapter to me, I'll edit it and try to have it up at some stage or another, like I did with Joshwales here. Good luck and see you all soon!)**

**oOo**

Rose launched into the TARDIS control room later on, laptop tucked safely under her arm. She heard a "PARP" and turned round to see Joshwales blowing wind into the console.

"Oi! What do you think you're doing!" she shouted.

"Erm...giving it a boost?" Joshwales replied innocently.

"Well you promised that you'de help me write this chapter!"

"I am! I'm giving you the ideas!"

The Doctor was on the other side with a man in a brown trench coat and pin stripped suit. He was talking to the Doctor and Rose managed to sneak round and overhear their conversation.

"Hello I'm the Doctor" said the brown-trench-coated man.

"You can't be the Doctor! I'm the Doctor!" The Doctor shouted. This continued until eventually Joshwales' smells resurfaced and blew the brown-trench-coated man into the vortex. Miss Kiwi ran in holding up her Doctor Who Sticker book.

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSQQQQQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She shouted.

Timeless Escape followed trying to battle a killer toilet with a toilet brush, but Joshwales calmly walked towards the toilet and used his Sonic Screwdriver to deactivate it.

"Oi, Joshwales where'd you get that?" The Doctor called over.

"Nicked it from your coat," Joshwales replied.

At that moment, 10 Joshwales' marched into the control room followed by Cybermen and Daleks.

"Oh for (Insert Swear Word Here) sakes not the Cybermen and Daleks - AGAIN!" Padme's Sister cried!

"YOU-ARE-AN-ENEMY-OF-THE-DA-A-A-LEKS-YOU-WILL-BE-EXTERMINATED" The Dalek leader cried.

"DELETE-THE-DALEKS-AND-PADME'S-SISTER-AND-JOSHWALES" A Cyberman said marching towards Padme's Sister.

"CLONES! ATTACK!" Joshwales cried as thousands upon thousands of Joshwales Clones attacked the army!

Then Joshwales disappeared in red smoke which startled the Doctor!

"Rose, why did you have to give him smoke too!" The Doctor shouted at Rose,

"It's what Padme's Sister told me too do," Rose replied, almost sniggering.

Xkinky-bootsX had now entered holding a pile of stickers so high it almost collapsed.

"(Insert Multiple Swear Words here)" The Doctor shouted as Joshwales appeared in Red Smoke behind him and poked him with a discarded Cyberman arm. The Cybermen where now few in number as the Daleks were involved.

"WE-ARE-THE-DALEKS-YOU-ARE-PUNY-EXTERMINEATE-EXTERMINATE-E-X-X-X-X-TERMINA-A-A-ATE!"

Joshwales nodded and the Clones began throwing paper balls at the Daleks. Almost all of the Daleks where blown up but one grabbed a paper ball and got a paper cut.

"MY-VISION-IS-IMPAIRED!-I-CANNOT-SEE!" It screeched and trundled off down the TARDIS corridors, followed closely by Joshwales and his clones.

"Oh Doctor," Mayuko Chan began, peering out through the door. "Is this a World Cup stadium?"

"Yes, we're at England versus Paraguay" The Doctor replied. Joshwales and his clones glared at him from up in the wardrobe room because they're all WELSH! Then they got back to dressing the Dalek up in the most awful clothes they could find.

Everyone else cheered including Rose, who still had the laptop clutched firmly under her arm, although she was now making the story up as she went along.

(Well Padme's Sister does it all the time, so why can't I?)

The Doctor and everyone else began filing out of the TARDIS into the stands. Padme's Sister walked absent mindedly out into the stadium after them (absent-mindedly...see what I did there? She's got no brain, so her mind's absent! Lol, I may have no A-levels but I'm a genius!). The TARDIS doors slammed shut and crazy madman laughs where heard from inside as Joshwales and his clones tortured the poor Dalek with a twenty foot scarf they'de found.

Ldy Knight was know looking very confused as she woke up from her sleep. She marched outside onto the pitch and became Paraguay's Goalkeeper, heading the goal in and helping Beckham score from his free kick. Then she walked up onto the stands to join the others.

"Miss Kiwi" Rose began, "You never told us why you squeed so much earlier on! I just need to know because I have to write down a reason in the story."

"I completed my sticker book!" Miss Kiwi replied happily.

Joshwales' sticker book was also complete and he was busy getting it signed by the Doctor and flogging it on E-bay!

"Well this story is going better than I expected," Rose sighed happily as they all marched back onto the TARDIS waving a huge England flag that Mayuko Chan had nicked from the railings. "I think I should write stories more often."

"Actually no need," Padme's Sister replied. "I found my brain. That dingbatt ref had given it a red card for no reason and sent it off the pitch."

"Oh," Rose sighed, looking thoroughly depressed by this news.

"But don't worry. You did such a great job this chapter, I'll let you write some more soon," Padme's Sister promised.

"YAY!" Rose screamed, hugging Padme's Sister so tightly that she squeezed all the breath out of her and caused her to faint.

"Oops. Looks like I'll be writting sooner than you think. YAYNESS!"

And so Rose got back to writing her next chapter, this time with the help of one of the other fans.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Author note: Hey guys, two chapters in two days! And second chapter in a row for me now! Whoo! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as my last one, and don't worry, I'm not taking over this story, I had a long and very random discussion with Padme's Sister over it. She guided me a little more with this chapter and she insists on editing it slightly, which is fair enough. She is apparently the equivalent of RTD to this story. We're all the episode writters and can do what we like, but overall, she's the boss and if she don't like it, it gets changed!**_

_**I don't mind. At least she lets you take all the credit for your own work and doesn't try to STEAL YOUR IDEAS! **_

_**So yeah, oh and don't worry. She's not gonna kill off all the fans one by one - just the ones who annoy her. So you've been warned!**_

**No Author Note from Padme's Sister this time (she's too busy being annoyed at people).**

oOo

The Doctor slouched slowly into the TARDIS only to find a Dalek wrapped in a twenty foot scarf and a washing machine in the corner. Joshwales was sniggering quietly, but the Doctor chose to ignore him. Rose was looking through stuff Padme's Sister had left on her laptop.

"Add new companion called Briar Elwood..." she muttered as she typed away at this very chapter.

"Do we have to add another companion?" the Doctor exclaimed, very annoyed. "Its too crowded in here!" Just then, Joshwales dissapeared in red smoke. "And stop his red smoke!"

"No, its funny seeing you annoyed," Padme's Sister laughed. "And besides, I'm not writting this chapter. Rose is."

"The Doctor says its too crowded in here, so guess what time it is? Its COMPANION KILLING TIME!" Rose shouted and everyone cringed. Rose ran into her bedroom, pulled on a ginger wig and black dress, then walked back out to the console room which had been transformed into the Weakest Link Studio.

"Hey look, I'm almost the new Doctor, only I'm rude AND ginger!"

Everyone groaned and Rose glared at them.

"Right, for that, I'm gonna choose who's playing!"

And so, Joshwales, Padme's Sister, Mayuko Chan, XKinky-bootsX, Briar Elwood, Miss Kiwi, Light Queen of Lilies, Ldy Knight and Captain Jack Sparrow found themselves standing at the podiums, and all the few remaining fans, the Doctor's tanned coat and Orlando Bloom formed the crowd.

"Lets play the Weakest Companion!" Rose shouted and Joshwales pulled out some glasses, chucking them to her.

"You forgot these."

"Thanks," Rose replied, putting them on. "Now, lets play the Weakest Companion!"

"You already said that," Joshwales helpfully pointed out.

"Right, well shall we start then?" Rose asked, glaring at him. He pulled on a set of glasses and began mimicking her.

"First question goes to you Briar Elwood. What does the name TARDIS stand for?"

"Erm, Time And Relative Dimensions In...erm..."

"Slugs," Joshwales hissed.

"Right, Time And Relative Dimensions In Slugs."

"Wrong! The correct answer is Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, you plank! Miss Kiwi, Name the bitchy trampoline from the year five point five slash apple slash twenty six."

"Cassandra!"

"Oooh, should I accept?...Hmmm, alright I'll accept Cassandra. The correct answer, however, was Lady Cassandra O'Brian Dot Delta Seventeen you dum dum."

And so Rose continued questioning everyone, adding pointless insults when they got a question wrong or only partly correct.

(What, I'm trying to be like Ann Robinson here!)

At last the round was over and everyone breathed a sigh of relief...until...

"Now lets vote off who you think is the weakest companion," Rose said and everybody grabbed a card, scribbling on the back of it. At last they were all ready and held up their cards.

"XKinky-BootsX," Joshwales said.

"Captain Jack Sparrow," Padme's Sister said.

"XKinky-BootsX" Briar Elwood said.

"Ldy Knight," Miss Kiwi said.

"XKinky-BootsX," Mayuko-Chan said.

"Padme's Sister," XKinky-BootsX said (although how she can expect this story to continue without its author is beyond me!)

"XKinky-BootsX," Light Queen of Lilies said.

"XKinky-BootsX" Ldy Knight said.

"Captain Barbossa!" Captain Jack said.

"XKinky-BootsX, with five votes, you are the Weakest Companion - Goodbye!" Rose replied nastily in her best Ann Robinson impression she could do. (Which is a very good one, I'll have you know!)

Flying Beastie (the newly re-named Dalek tied up in the scarf) trundled over to her.

"EXTERMINATE!" it screamed as he blasted her into the vortex.

"You bloody moron!" XKinky-BootsX howled.

A few minutes later the washing machine finally decided to come to life and out popped some kinky boots which had XKinky-BootsX hidden in them. Joshwales and his clones, along with Rose's clones (who I'd tried to lock in the shed), Timeless Escape, Kates Master, Ads230, Who Wolf and Cloudhaven94 all pulled out giant super soakers which were actually nuclear missiles in disguise. They began launching the missiles as XKinky-BootsX.

"Hold on! This is a K+ fic!" the Doctor screamed.

"Not anymore," Padme's Sister cackled. "I changed the rating to T!"

"I'll save you XKinky-BootsX!" the Doctor said. "Look, lets hide in that washing machine that definately doesn't look suspicious even though it has huge pointy fangs!"

The Doctor and XKinky-BootsX jumped into the washing machine together. Flying Beastie blasted the machine out into the vortex and the Doctor was delighted.

"Yay! Now I get to regenerate!"

He walked back through the door a moment later as the tenth Doctor, looking all smug and pleased with himself.

Rose stared at the mayhem around her, then back at her screen. "Ok, not what I wrote at all! I think I'm gonna hand this to you," she said, handing the laptop to Joshwales. Then she ran away, totally scared.

"I've just doomed the world!"

"Right then crew! Lets shoot off towards our next and totally random adventure," the Doctor beamed, flicking random controls. Joshwales marched over to the Doctor, looked him in the eye and said "Ding Dong!"

"Merrily on high?" The Doctor guessed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author Note: I'll say everything at the end coz I dunno what to say now!**

**oOo**

"Ding dong, bing bong," Mayuko-Chan sang loudly to no-one in particular, and Rose glared at her.

"Shut up!" she growled, unaware of who was writting the story (muhahahahahaha).

"I didn't say it! Well I did - But the author made me!" Mayuko-Chan protested, pointing accusingly at Joshwales.

"Where is our great, fearless and oh-so-respected role model authoress anyway?" he asked, trying to shift the attention away from him.

His question was answered as the TARDIS door was thrown open and Padme's Sister, Light Queen of Lilies, Cloudhaven 94, Who Wolf and the Flying Beastie all staggered in, completely pissed out of their minds.

"Can I introduce you please, to a lump of cheddar cheese?" Padme's Sister sung loudly. "Knit one, pearl one, drop one, curl one! Kick it!"

"Nah nah nah! Nah nah nah! Nah nah nah, nah nah nah, nah nah!" she and the others all sung loudly, in perfectly stupid voices that only drunk people are capable of. Flying Beastie fell down a step by accident and changed the song.

"COUNTRY GIRL! TAKE MY HAND!" Joshwales joined in as, with a puff of blue smoke, everyone was given an instrument or microphone. Flying Beastie donned a pirates wig aand began recording the song onto LP. The newest fan to join - Stefan - provided the drums and soon-to-be-very-annoying drum rolls for the song, and a week later - well actually on Monday 19th December 2089, Country Girl by ReTardis hit number one in the charts.

oOo

Meanwhile, back in the present, Padme's Sister was lost in the depths of the TARDIS, laughing her head off at the word 'bob', whilst Who Wolf and Light Queen of Lilies were staring in fascination at the bubbles in Timeless Escapes lemonade and Flying Beastie, who'd also got lost, kept shouting "I-am-the-king-of-the-TARDIS!"

"Oh no you're not!" the Doctor cried, completely confused at what the hell was going on.

Suddenly a loud booming voice echoed round the TARDIS.

"Testing testing, one two three. Put your hands upon your knees! (insert hysterical giggles of a drunk person here). This is your Captain speaking and I'd just like to say that I may be a little tipsy, but you're all topsy turvy, anyway, so it don't matter!"

"Oh my god. Is this God speaking?" Miss Kiwi stuttered.

"Course its not, you moron! Would God really be doing this?" Joshwales replied as he pointed to the ceiling. They all listened as Padme's Sister (who's broken into the TARDIS announcement room) belted down the microphone "Why you gotta play that song so loud? Because we want to! Because we want to!"

"Now do I know that song from?" Rose pondered. There was a scream of joy as Cloudhaven 94 ran through the corridors stark naked.

"You-have-no-coverings!-you-will-be-exterminated!" Flying Beastie screamed and Cloudhaven 94 ran back into her room in fright.

"We're off to see the wizard! Actually no, we're off to Ancient Room - I mean Rome!" the Doctor exclaimed, dressed in a toga and sipping water that does _not _taste or smell like alcohol disguised as water in the glass Miss Kiwi secretly swapped when his back was turned.

There was a stampede towards the wardrobe room and everyone emerged moments later in togas too. After a mad dash towards the door, which resulted in Flying Beastie's toga falling to the floor, the Doctor finally made it out of the door first.

"One small step for me...one giant leap for - POO!"

"Poo?" everyone asked in confusion.

"The Doctor stepped in horse poo!" Joshwales sniggered, just as the Emperor of Rome rode past in his chariot.

"You-are-a-false-God! You-stole-that-title-from-the-God-of-all-Daleks!" Flying Beastie accused. "You-will-be-exterminated!" He rose into the air and blasted the Emperor.

"Now we're in trouble!" Rose realised. "Back to the TARDIS?"

"For a blondie, you're very smart," the Doctor giggled as there was a mad dash back towards the TARDIS.

Everyone collapsed on the floor because they were either too drunk or out of breath to stand up anymore.

All of a sudden the TARDIS exploded!

oOo

**Author Note: (the proper one!) Whoa! One hell of an ending there! But I'm gonna pass the reins on to another author now, coz I have the feeling I've kinda taken over a little...ah well...if I can't take over this story, I'll have to make do with the Universe instead (muhahahahaha cough cough)**

**So yeah, I think Padme's Sister may be taking charge again for a while, but I will say this to everyone! Harm me or Flying Beastie and we're outta here! And no thats not an incentive for you to go and do it! However, I shall return one day - you mark my words!**

**So a few final words from me. Before I go, I just wanna say you were fantastic...absolutely fantastic!...And d'you know what? So was I!**

**But there's New Teeth to right now (well old for a while if Padme's Sister does retake the reins) but from me and Flying Beastie...GOODBYE!**

**(Course I'll still be in the story - I hope- but it won't be the same, will it! And don't say this is an improvement either!)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author Note: Hey guys, its me again - Padme's Sister! I've been away for a while, trying to catch ideas in a very large net, but the holes were too big and they just slipped through. Then I got a smaller net, and hey presto, here I am, back to writting my favourite story again! So what's happened while I've been away?**

**The TARDIS exploded? OH MY GOD! **

**Oh no wait, its alright. Phew. Thought we were gonna have a mass murder then. I bet right now you're wondering what the hell I'm going on about, right? Yep? Thought so. Ok, I'll explain.**

**oOo**

So everyone had just collapsed through the door, right. Then the TARDIS exploded - from the outside! (Like in Parting of the Ways with the Dalek missile)

Well, technically no-one ever mentioned removing the tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator (the slitheen surfboard thingy) from the TARDIS, meaning that its still there to create a forcefield, meaning that the TARDIS and everyone inside it survived! Ta da!

Still don't get it? The Doctor will explain.

The Doctor looked up from the book he was reading (Idiots guide to programming the VCR) "Erm yeah, what she said."

Padme's Sister rolled her eyes and went back to arranging her Doctor Who action figures in her TARDIS playset. Rose came running down the hallway accompanied by a Stefan drumroll, and skidded into the author's bedroom.

"Quick! You have to save me! I was mucking about on google just now," Rose explained, although she was hard to understand through all her pants thanks to the mad dash.

"Did you google yourself? I love doing that!" Padme's Sister grinned. "Mind you, all the websites it pulls up for my name are all about this Sola Naberrie...who's she when she's at home?" Rose frowned and Padme's Sister realised she'd got sidetracked. "Sorry, back to you."

"Thanks. Yeah I googled myself and every website said I'm possibly gonna die in an episode called Doomsday! I don't wanna die! I'm too young and pretty to die!" Rose wailed hysterically.

"Calm down dear, its only a commercial," Padme's Sister replied, then frowned. "No its not...hang on..." she sat staring at the ceiling, trying to remember what it was (because her brain still has a few loose connections after it was stolen...wait, why am I saying she? I mean ME! I - whatever!")

"Oh right!" she remembered at last. "What I mean was, don't worry. You're not going to die."

"I'm not?" Rose asked hopefully.

"Not in this story you're not. Not unless Billie Piper annoys me, which is highly unlikely."

"Who's Billie Piper?"

"Never mind. You're not gonna die. End. Of."

"End of what?"

"Blimey, I thought you were meant to be clever? Look, stop asking questions or you will die."

"You just said I wouldn't!"

"I lied."

"Do you lie alot?"

"What do you consider alot?"

"Enough for people to call you a liar."

"People call me lots of things..."

"Is one of them liar?"

"I could say no," Padme's Sister grinned. "But how would you know I'm not lying?"

"I guess I could choose to trust you."

"You could do that?"

"I could try."

"Awwwww, thats sweet, but don't think I won't kill you in the future if you annoy me."

"You won't though, thats the thing," Rose argued.

"Says who? I'm the author. I can easily kill anyone I want!"

"But if you kill me, I could just come back again. I mean, no one ever stays dead in science fiction!"

Padme's Sister opened her mouth to argue, realised Rose was right and closed it again. Rose pulled out a huge bar of Galaxy chocolate and the two were friends again - their argument forgotten.

oOo

"Land ho! Land ahoy! I saw a ship go sailing by," Jack sung to himself as he re-adjusted his bandana, the toga lying forgotten under his boots.

Orlando wandered into the wardrobe looking for something to change into and the two noticed each other for the first time.

"Who are you?" they both asked together, then there was silence before Jack finally answered.

"Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savy?"

"You're a pirate?"

"No shit Sherlock! Say, you seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?"

"I make a point of - (insert ringing phone here) hold on." Orlando pulled out his phone and answered it. "Yo Cess! Look, I'm kinda in the middle of something right now. Can I call you back? Cool. Bye."

He hung up the phone and turned appologetically back to Jack. "Sorry, that was Brad Pitt's brother, Cess. So what was I saying? Oh yeah," he turned all serious again. "I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates."

"Well then it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record, so if you'll excuse me..." Jack stepped past Orlando who reached into a rack of coats and pulled out an umbrella, pointing it at Jack, who pulled a broom out of another rack and turned to face him.

"You think this wise boy? Crossing long pointy things with a pirate."

"You stole my pot plant," Orlando accused and then the fight began - slowly at first, but gradually building up until Jack was fighting with a mop, whilst Orlando now had the broom, plus a dustpan and brush set.

Just as they were about to clean each other, Ads wandered in and the two paused for a second, then started to innocently clean the floor. Ads just shrugged and went over to the stereo in the corner, inserted the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack and switched it to track number 5 - Swords crossed (the music from the duel in the movie).

"If you're gonna fight, at least do it to music," he suggested and Jack and Orlando nodded, liking this idea. Then they were fighting again while Ads began taking bets as to who would win.

5-1 said Jack

10-1 said Orlando

20-1 said a draw and 50-1 said that the fight would be stopped due to unforseen circumstances. All those who chose this last option were soon to be very rich as Joshwales and Flying Beastie came trundling in to find out what all the comotion was about. Flying Beastie tripped on his 20 foot scarf and fell into a clothes rack, starting a domino effect that caused every rack and shelf to collapse around the room. Joshwales dived for cover behind Flying Beastie.

"Its Volcano Day!" Kates Master cried as a bowler hat fell on her head and fell over her eyes, blinding her. A large coat had fallen over Flying Beastie.

"My-vision-is-impaired. I-cannot-see!" it cried, whizzing round the room with the coat arms flapping madly behind him.

"Oh my god!" Padme's Sister, Rose and the Doctor cried together as they ran in to find clothes and hysterical fans scattered everywhere, causing absolute mayhem. Jack and Orlando were still trying to clean each other, now balancing on two clothes rails, while everyone else was frantically trying to dig their way out of the mountains of clothes that had fallen around them.

"Who did this?" the Doctor asked, but received no reply. "I SAID, WHO DID THIS?"

Everyone stopped and Padme's Sister turned to him. "Oi, no matter the situation, there is no need to SHOUT!""It-was-my-fault." Flying Beastie replied from under the coat.

"I might have known. Stupid Daleks always ruin everything!" The Doctor replied angrily.

"We-are-not-stupid! Do-not-insult-us! Do-not-insult-us!"

"I'll do what the hell I want! You destroyed my boat - ship - thing! I think maybe you'de better leave."

"I-was-leaving-anyway," Flying Beastie growled, trundling past him. Everyone watched in shock as he left the room.

"He's leaving?" Rose whispered at last.

"He can't. I haven't written him out of the script yet," Padme's Sister replied. "I promsed he'd leave in a blaze of glory and we'd give him a great send off!"

"Well we can still do that, can't we?" Mayuko-Chan wondered. Padme's Sister thought for a moment, then smiled and began giving orders.

"Ok, Timeless Escape, you and Rose go get as many fireworks as you can. Jack go get the time machine you made in chapter two. Joshwales, you help Jack. Orlando, go get that remote that I made, which brought you here in the first place. And everyone else, make as many party streamers, hats and banners as you can. You've got ten minutes. GO GO GO!"

"What about you?" Rose asked.

"Me? I'm off to have a chat with a Dalek about a sequel," Padme's Sister replied, then vanished in blue smoke.

"Weird," Rose muttered.

"Tell me about it," the Doctor replied.

"Oh no, I'm not talking to you. You were mean to Flying Beastie!"

"But thats who I am! I'm rude and not ginger!"

"Not listening! Lalalalalalalalala." Rose stuck her fingers in her ears and ran off.

"Curse you Dalek! You've turned my own companion against me!" the Doctor sulked.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author Note: Ok guys, I'm sorry but this chapter isn't actually that random...and its not that funny either...but Flying Beastie wanted a proper send off, so thats what he's getting because yes folks, he's leaving...he's copying Billie Piper and leaving...however this isn't the end of the story for him...oh no! He's off to star in the already up and running sequel called, surprisingly, 'The brand new adventures of Flying Beastie' by Joshwales...so make sure you go check it out. Oh and make the most of this serious chapter while you can...I can assure you this is only a one off...then its full on RANDOMNESS from here onwards!**

**oOo**

"Knock knock," Padme's Sister called as she arrived at Flying Beastie's bedroom.

"Leave-me-alone," came the sad reply.

"Beastie, please. Can we talk?"

"What-about? Don't-try-to-stop-me-leaving. I-have-made-up-my-mind."

"I know," Padme's Sister sighed as she perched on his bed (although how a dalek's supposed to sleep in one, I don't know.) "Once a dalek's made up his mind, there's no stopping it. But please, just hear me out?"

"10-minutes," came the reply from the wardrobe. Moments later Flying Beastie emerged carrying a suitcase containing his scarf, pirates wig and toga.

"Thankyou. So where will you go?"

"I-don't-know."

"I hear Barcellona's great this time of year. We could drop you off there if you want?"

"But-I-want-to-be-in-a-story!" Flying Beastie complained.

"Well...maybe you could put an advert in the paper. You know, _Dalek looking for good story to appear in on full or part time basis. Promises not to exterminate without author's permission, has good references and has previously worked with the Doctor."_

Flying Beastie shook his head.

"But-I-liked-what-I-had-here...freedom-to-do-as-I-wanted. Now-I-want-my-own-story-with-me-as-the-main-character...and-a yacht-and-a-billionaires-mansion."

"Ok, so not alot then," Padme's Sister grinned. Then she was struck by a very rare brainwave. "You could star in a sequel to this! Then you could be the star, and we could drop by now and then for a visit. That way you'de still have your freedom and randomness! Oh how brilliant am I!"

"A-sequel? I-like-the-sound-of-that."

"Great, thats sorted then! You can take Jack's miniature TARDIS he made in chapter 2 as your own and go travel round causing mayhem like us! So come on! Oh and we've got a little surprise for you before you go," Padme's Sister said as she jumped up from the bed and Flying Beastie followed her back out into the control room.

They found everyone there waiting for them - even the Doctor, GASP! - all wearing party hats and throwing steamers. A huge banner hung from the ceiling reading...

"A banner can read?"

Yes Doctor, let me finish! The banner hung from the ceiling reading "Good Bye Beatie."

"Good bye Beatie? Ok, who made the banner?" Padme's Sister demanded, and Mayuko-Chan shrunk back out of sight.

"Bye bye Beastie! Bye bye Beastie!" they all sang together as Orlando brought forward Padme's Sister's character remote, handing it to Beastie.

"Now you can add anyone you like to your story," he smiled, patting Beastie's head. "See ya mate...oh and keep away from the Cybermen...they're mean!"

Then Jack and Joshwales stepped forwards with the conveniently built, Dalek sized TARDIS that Jack created in Chapter 2.

"Now you can go anywhere you want, aswell. Have fun," they said and Joshwales even hugged him. "Oh and keep away from Torchwood Tower."

A single oil drip fell from Beastie's eye and he disappeared into his TARDIS before the others could see. As he fired up the engines and millions of fireworks exploded outside, the gathered group heard him scream "I-MUST-NOT-FEEL!"

And then he was gone.

"Why mustn't he feel?" Miss Kiwi asked eventually, breaking the silence.

"He's a Dalek. Daleks shouldn't feel any emotion other than hate," Joshwales explained.

"Oh," everyone replied.

There was another long silence, then Padme's Sister looked at Joshwales.

"Wanna see how he's doing?"

"Yeah!"

They disappeared in red smoke, leaving the others coughing and choking.

oOo

**Author Note: Aw, bye bye Beastie! So what are the rest of the crew gonna do now that they've lost one of their valuable members? **

**Go out and have a drink to celebrate his time with them?**

**Mope around and grieve?**

**Go and visit him in his new story? **

**Nope, they're off to the supermarket! This should be fun!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author Note: SO here we are...the super market...and those of you who are fans of Flying Beastie may already have read his newest chapter, which means that you know what's gonna happen...so SHHHHHH! Don't tell!**

**But yeah...went to see the new pirates movie the other day, so this chapter is kinda pirate based in a very small, very mini way...hope you don't mind...but that does mean that i have to do another disclaimer, so please bare with me...**

**Disclaimer (yawn): I don't own Doctor Who, its characters, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Brand New Adventures of Flying Beastie, or any of you fans who've joined. I don't even own the word 'randomness' DAMMNIT!**

**So there we are...boring bit's over...now for some serious randomness!**

**oOo**

So, a few hours after Beastie's departure, the others had all gone their seperate ways within the TARDIS and Rose and the Doctor happened to end up in the kitchen. Rose actually had a good reason to be there...the Doctor didn't, until -

"Doctor...we've run out of sweets!" Rose cried as she crawled into one cupboard and re-emerged out of another on the other side of the room.

"Why do you need sweets?" the Doctor asked, trying to keep track of her as she disappeared back inside the cupboard and re-appeared in the one above the kitchen sink.

"Because we're going to the cinema tonight, remember? We need sweets!"

"Oh...erm...have you tried that one over there?" he asked, pointing to one beside the fridge. Rose once again disappeared and re-appeared in said cupboard, shaking her head.

"Nothing here but a bag of mouldy potatoes." She threw the bag out and it exploded. "Make that a bag of mouldy, _explosive_ potatoes!"

"Hmmm, I guess for the first time ever, we've actually run out of something then," the Doctor realised in surprise. "But don't you need _popcorn_ for a movie and sweets for a _party_?"

"Eh? Same difference," Rose replied, disappearing back in the cupboard. Then she fell out of the one above the bin, followed by a whole heap of paper clips.

"Why do you have cupboards full of paper clips, for gods sakes!" she muttered, picking herself up and storming off. The Doctor shrugged and followed her.

oOo

And so it was that the TARDIS found itself parked in a mother and child space in ASDA's car park.

"Why are we in the mother and child parking?" Mayuko-Chan asked.

"Because its nearer to the store," the Doctor replied matter-of-factly. "Besides, whose gonna argue with a big blue box? Its not a car, therefor its not breaking any laws. And you lot act like children, so who's gonna argue with you?"

"True," Mayuko-Chan shrugged and they all trailed off to the store.

As soon as they were through the entrance, the crew swarmed off in different directions, spreading out to conquere the whole store.

"Its an invasion!" one of the till staff cried.

"No, its too late for that!" the Doctor shouted back. "Its a victory!"

The Doctor, Orlando and Joshwales headed for the magazine isle (Isle? You mean there's a whole island dedicated to magazines? Wow! Give me the co-ordinates!), Padme's Sister, Captain Jack, Rose, Mayuko-Chan and Cloudhaven94 headed for the alcohol, and everyone else headed for anything that took their fancy.

"Oooh! A new Pirates of the Caribbean magazine! Complete with comic book of the newest movie!" the Doctor cried in delight, picking said magazine up. "I really wanna see that!"

"We are! Tonight! Remember?" Orlando replied from behind the magazine he'd picked up - Doctor Who adventurers.

"Why are you two reading childrens magazines?" Joshwales asked as he dumped a copy of Smash Hits in the trolley.

He received no reply, as both men were too engrossed in their own magazines to even hear him.

Briar Elwood mooched down towards them with Silent Seabreeze and the both peered over the Doctor's shoulder.

"Whatcha readin?" they asked.

"WAGH! Who are you? How did you find us, and WAGH!" the Doctor screamed in fright, throwing the magazine over his shoulder by accident. It caught Timeless Escape in the eye, she staggered backwards and fell into a stack of baked beans. They came crashing down around her and the others, so to escape the cascade, the Doctor leapt into the trolley with Joshwales, Orlando gave them a shove, leapt in beside them and off they all went, whizzing through to store to escape the tidal wave of beans.

As they skidded round a corner, almost crashing into Miss Kiwi, Stefan began another of his drum rolls and Miss Kiwi's eyes lit up.

"That looks fun," she said to Who Wolf, who nodded in agreement. "Got the trolley?"

"Its full of potatoes," Who Wolf explained.

"Why?"

"Because Rose exploded the other ones."

"Oh...I'll go get a new trolley then," Miss Kiwi decided, running off to the trolley park.

Who Wolf ran after the three guys in the runaway trolley. "Oi! Wanna race? Oi! Hey wait! Wait!"

Briar Elwood and Silent Seabreeze stared in confusion at the mayhem, then turned to each other and shook hands.

"Hi," they said at the same time, then grinned.

oOo

Padme's Sister was wandering down the booze aisle, not looking where she was going. Infact she was reading a list of what she needed.

"Carling, Carlsberg, Stella, Bacardi, Archers...why do we need all these drinks? And why are my legs moving, but I'm not!"

She looked up to find that she'd walked into another shopping trolley, and although her legs were legs were still moving...she wasn't.

Hang on...her legs were legs? Eh? Of course her legs were legs! Damned typo. Anyways, as I was saying...

She looked up to the owner of the trolley and gasped.

"GASP! Bad Wolf's Sister! My Sister!"

"Padme's Sister! My Sister!" Bad Wolf's Sister cried and the two hugged.

"Hang on," The Tenth Doctor's Companion (from now on called TTDC) said as he joined them. "One, you're like from a whole other story, and two, you're Bad Wolf's Sister and Padme's Sister! Not Padme's Sister's Sister and Bad Wolf's Sister's Sister!"

"Ok, one, you're from a spin off of my story, so we're allowed crossovers now and then," Padme's Sister explained. "And two shut up about the names! We get confused enough as it is!"

Bad Wolf's Sister pulled out a copy of Flying Beastie's story's latest chapter and skimmed through it.

"Right, says here that we didn't actually say that then...instead I'm supposed to say this...ready?"

"Ready," TTDC and Padme's Sister replied together.

"Ok. Padme's Sister, what are you doing here?" Bad Wolf's Sister sniggered. Padme's Sister peered over her shoulder to read her line.

"We were just doing a bit of shopping..." she peered over her shoulder, but none of the others had arrived like they were supposed to. Clearing her throat and raising her voice, she repeated "WE WERE JUST DOING A BIT OF SHOPPING!"

"Alright, alright! We heard you the first time!" Rose exclaimed as she appeared carrying a crate of Carling. Captain Jack, Mayuko-Chan and Cloudhaven 94 followed carrying even more. "Jack wouldn't leave the rum section."

TTDC relieved them of the boxes and added them to his trolley that already contained 2 crates of Bicardi Breezers, 10 crates of WKD and 200 bottles of pure Russian Vodka.

"Bicardi? Is that like a substitute for Bacardi or something?" Rose asked as she studdied the crate.

"Is this a dream?" Jack asked, also eyeing all the booze.

"Nope," everyone replied.

"Thought not. If it was, there'd be rum."

"You and your bloody rum!"

"I'm a pirate. And besides , why is all the rum gone?"

oOo

"Right. Ready. Steady. GO!" Miss Kiwi shrieked and Who Wolf and Orlando began pushing their trolleys as fast as they could, then leapt in beside their partners (Joshwales and the Doctor). The two trolleys skidded round the outskirts of the store, and on his way past the DVD aisle, the Doctor snatched up a certain Volume 3 DVD, earning him an extra ten points and a DVD to watch later that night.

They both zoooooomed past Miss Kiwi at lightning speed on their second lap and Miss Kiwi completely missed them because she blinked.

"Damnit!" she muttered, then turned to Timeless Escape. "What happened to you?"

"I got beaned!" Timeless Escape replied, wiping bean juice from her face and liking her finger. "Mmmmm, I love cold beans. Want one?"

"I think I'll pass," Miss Kiwi replied as the trolleys came back into view again. Stefan began another drum roll as they passed for a third lap.

oOo

"Hmmm, it says here that I'm meant to buy another 1200 Plasma Screens with you," Padme's Sister said, skimming through Flying Beastie's latest chapter. "But I can't, coz one I can't afford it, and two, I got nowhere to put em all."

"Oh do be serious!" Bad Wolf's Sister exclaimed. "You've got the TARDIS! You can fit anything in it if you try hard enough!"

"Fine. But how are we meant to get a couple of pubs and a private jet in there too? They won't fit through the door!"

"Oh don't worry about them. They're Flying Beastie's. He can keep em at his Mansion. Oh and that reminds me, you're all invited to the biggest party in the Universe this evening."

"Coolio! A word I've never used before, and will probably use every day from now until forever! But we were gonna go see a film tonight...sorry."

"Hey, we've just bought god knows how many tv screens. You could watch the film at our place...that way everyone can watch it together. Plus there's free drinks."

"Free drinks? Now you're talkin'!" Padme's Sister grinned. "But we were gonna watch Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. That hasn't even been released as a pirate DVD yet(hey a pirate pirate DVD!) ! Let alone ordinary and perfectly legal DVD! So how are we gonna watch it?"

"Leave that to us," Captain Jack and Rose said together, and they ran off hand in hand out of the store.

"I sure hope the Doctor didn't just see that," Padme's Sister groaned.

oOo

As it happened, the Doctor did see it, but seeing as he was travelling 1000mph -or so his broken speedometer said -

"Its not broken...it just doesn't point North!"

Ok, whatever...anyways, as he was travelling so fast, they were only a blur, so he didn't notice.

"LAST LAP!" Miss Kiwi shrieked as they past.

"Right, what bonus item did we miss?" the Doctor asked Orlando, who was driving the trolley.

"Erm...I dunno. Was it the Top Trump cards?"

"Nope...got three of them. Lets see...Volume 3 DVD, Top Trumps, TARDIS manual with build your own TARDIS, The Feast of the Drowned book and CD, The Stone Rose book and CD, The Resurrection Casket book and CD, action figures...erm...oh I know! Get me closer to the toys! We missed the Cyberman!"

"WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNER!" Miss Kiwi cried, bouncing up and down on a trampoline as the Doctor and Orlando screeched to a halt seconds infront of Joshwales and Who Wolf. Just then Flying Beastie and Padme's Sister arrived.

"Everyone...we're going to Ibiza!" Padme's Sister sang and Flying Beastie pushed past her.

"We're going back to mine for a mahoosively gigantanormous PARTAY!"

"YAY!" Everyone cried, loading their trolleys up with as much party food as possible and storming the checkouts, paying for everything with Flying Beastie's unlimited credit card.

When they arrived back at the mansion, TTDC headed for the DJ decks and everyone else headed for either the massive pool on the private jet, or the booze bar.

oOo

Meanwhile, out the back of the local Cineworld, Jack and Rose were formulating a plan.

"Right, so you distract the guard and I'll sneak in and snatch the film," Rose said. "Got that?"

"Yep. You distract the guard and I sneak in and snatch the film."

"No! YOU distract the guard and I sneak in and snatch the film."

"Thats what I said! You distract the guard, I snatch the film!"

"NO, NO, NO!" Rose cried, stamping her foot. "YOU distract the guard, I snatch the film! I! Me! ROSE TYLER!"

"Yes that's your name. Don't wear it out."

"GRRRRRRRRRR," Rose clenched her fist, ready to punch Jack when a guard came out and they froze, then dived behind a huge wheelie bin.

"Who's there?" the guard asked.

"Erm, a cat?" Rose replied before she could stop herself.

"Oh alright then," the guard shrugged and went back inside. Rose and Jack stared at each other in amazement, shrugged and walked straight in the back door, past the guard, up to the room where the films were kept, swiped the film and walked back out past the guard again.

"Have a nice day!" the guard called after them.

"We will, ta!" Jack cried over his shoulder, then ran into a lamp post.

"OOOOOOOW!"

"Move it Jack, before he realises that I nicked 'Cars' aswell!"

"Why did you nick that?"

"Why not?"

"Pirate," Jack grinned as they legged it even faster down the street, with film reels stuffed up their shirts.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author Note: Erm...hi? Sorry it's been so long, but I've been a bit busy recently, going to see Pirates again, bouncing on the bouncy castle at work and driving my driving instructor round the bend, literally and figuratively. Oh, and I had to wait for Joshwales to write his next chapter so that we keep together - he's such a slow writer, its unbelievable! (no offence Joshy!)...But not to worry, soon we'll be parting company again and then I'll be free to post when I like - depending on differential circumstances and complicated stuff like that. So yeah...but I'm back now, and I hope you like this chapter. If you don't...tough!**

**oOo**

"What's that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? Is it a monster?" Ads and Flying Beastie belted into their microphones up on the stage. Their heads bobbed frantically as they followed the little ball bouncing from word to word on the karioke (I don't care if thats not how you spell it...thats my spelling for it, which is a much better way, I think!) machine screen thing, and by the end of the song, they felt so dizzy they couldn't stand up properly and fell off the stage.

TTDC was up on the DJ decks, playing his favourite songs -

"Actually, can I stop you right there?"

"WhoWhatWhenWhereHowWhyHuh?" Padme's Sister replied and it took a moment for TTDC to work out what she'd said, before he finally decided to continue.

"Yeah, um, I'm not a guy. I'm a girl. You keep calling me a guy, but I'm a girl."

"A girl?" Joshwales asked as he joined them.

"Yeah. A girl."

"A girl? As in female, woman, lady, girl?"

"Yeah."

"As in a girl with big ti-"

"THAT'S enough!" Padme's Sister cut in quickly, pushing Joshwales into the swimming pool before he could finish what he was saying. Then she turned to TTDC. "I am so sorry. I had no idea. Why didn't you say something before?"

"Because you were too busy invading the supermarket."

"Fair enough," Padme's Sister shrugged. Then with a wave of her hand and a puff of blue smoke, she transformed TTDC into a girl...got that? A GIRL! Not a guy!

oOo

Ok, so now we've cleared that little mess up, lets get back to the...erm...well lets get back shall we?

TTDC was now back up on the stage, belting "Everybody dance now!" into the microphone, which SHE'D confiscated from Ads. There was a whoosh and a shadow fell overhead (if its possible for something to _fall _overhead...oh you know what I mean!) Everyone looked up to see a Jathal Sunglider crash into the large maize maze...hehe, maize maze, I like that! Souless-tears staggered from the wreckage and fell at Orlando's feet.

"Mr Bloom?" she asked, gazing up at him.

"That's me," he replied, holding out a hand to help her up. She pulled a particle gun from the bag at her feet and aimed, ready to kill him.

"Die!" she screamed.

"No!" Padme's Sister cried.

"Help!" Orlando exclaimed.

"DELETE!" Crazy Cyberman...Crazy Cyberman? Huh? Hang on a moment (pulls out a copy of Joshwales' story). Oh no, its ok, he didn't die, so he's technically still alive...oh wait, thats a bugger! Never mind, back to the story.

Crazy Cyberman blocked the blast, broke the particle gun and then fell into the pool, where his circuits were fried, like Kentucky Fried Chicken...mmmm, KFC...no, focus! Story!

Lets move away from this mayhem for a moment, shall we, because Rose and Jack had just arrived back at the mansion after a mad dash down the streets, running from no-one who was coming to get them for stealing more than one film from the cinema.

"Yeah, we stole two!"

"Three actually," Jack replied, pulling Superman Returns from his back pocket.

"Oh...well in that case, five!" Rose pulled Over the Hedge and The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift from up her sleeves like a magician.

"Did we steal the whole cinema or something?" Jack wondered as he and Rose continued to pull films from their pockets, sleeves, up their shirts and from under Jack's hat.

"Hey! Don't touch the hat!"

"Did we walk into a battlefield or something?" Rose wondered as she saw the mayhem that they'd arrived back at. Flying Beastie flew over her head, screaming "DEAD BODY CLEAN-UP IN THE POOL!"

"Jack! Help us!" Orlando cried, as he fiercely battled Crazy Cyberman's crazy body with a broom.

"Go on Jack!" Rose urged, shoving him forwards. "This is the time for you to do the right thing for once in your life!"

"I love those moments," Jack replied, scooping up the films and heading for one of the cinema rooms. "I like to wave at them as they pass by. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a film to watch."

"JACK SPARROW!" Rose bellowed as she ran after him.

"What was all that about?" the Doctor wondered to his clone, who just shrugged and turned back to the madness. "OI EVERYONE! FILM'S HERE!"

"Who wants to go watch the film and finish this later?" TTDC said into the microphone, and everyone raised their hands. "Alright, to the Bat Cave...I mean the Black Pearl...I mean! Oh hell! Everyone inside!"

Soon everyolne - I mean everyone (olne? wtf?) was sitting with a Time-Lord-Science bucket of popcorn and a Time-Lord-Science drink, watching the movie intently on the mahoosively gigantanormous screen infront of them.

oOo

As the credits rolled at the end of the movie, and everyone laughed at the tiny scene right at the very end with the dog and the tribe people (they made it their chief...its so funny!) the yacht (which I can't actually remember being in my story, but hey) erupted through the walls and parked in the front row, waiting for the next film to start.

"Oi!" everyone cried, pulling off their coats and sitting on them so that they could see over the top of the boat.

Garfield 2 began to show and Padme's Sister groaned. She HATED Garfield with a vengeance! (what's that mean anyway? With a vengeance?)

(Actually, I just hate lasagne, but I need to move...I can't sit still for too long! I fidget too much!) But anyways, she entered the coat cupboard and saw Flying Beastie and AUTHOR (who?) sucking the faces off each other.

"Excuse me," she muttered, pulling her black-with-a-pink-diamond-dragon-on-the-back leather jacket from the rail and shutting the door again. Then she wandered outside to the pool, where the Doctor and his clone were bobbing in the water, whilst music blared from the un-manned DJ deck.

The two Doctors were generally bored, so the Doctor clone set the frequency of the sonic screwdriver to setting 974 A, which made the water sing along. As he pressed the button, the pool began to screech awfully.

"You call that music?" the Doctor cried, clamping his hands over his ears.

"What? I like screamy things!" the Doctor clone protested.

"Clearly you're not an exact clone then," the Doctor replied over the din.

"My personality was created from your regeneration trauma madness," the Doctor clone laughed.

"Hmmm, a little adventure I like to forget," the Doctor replied, climbing out of the pool.

"Oh my god! I've gone blind!" Padme's Sister shrieked as she legged it towards the bar, in need of a serious drink.

"What's up with her?" the Doctor asked.

"Look down," the Doctor clone replied, so the Doctor did. He was completely naked.

"OH. MY.GOD!" he screamed, grabbing the leaf of a nearby palm tree. "What did you do!"

"I removed the Anti-matter combination, added Iodine solution and adjusted the sonic screwdriver so that your trunks would dissapear without you noticing. Its kinda like a water version of the defabricator," The Doctor clone replied as he legged it from the angry Time Lord. "Oh and don't let Rose catch you like that...or any of the other fans...or any journalists or photographers...or anyone actually!" he added, slamming the door of his TARDIS in the Doctor's face.

"You can't do this! Its against every rule in the book!" the Doctor cried, banging frantically on the door.

"Yeah well it was a bad rule, and bad rules are made to be broken!" came the reply, and the Doctor found that he couldn't argue with that fact.

"Yes but thats not the point! Just give me back my clothes!"

The Doctor heard a commotion behind him and turned to see Rose, Stefan and TTDC walking out of the cinema, groaning because they'de eaten too much popcorn.

"Bugger!" the Doctor muttered as Rose caught sight of him, absolutely starkers (he'd dropped his leaf in fright when they'd arrived).

"Oh my!" Rose replied, blushing.

"Popcorn, anyone?" Stefan asked innocently, holding out his bucket.

**Author Note: Oh dear Rose may be in love with two guys. Oooh, a bit of a dilemma there. What's she gonna do now? Well, my dears, the answer is simple. She's gonna eat a lot of grapes, and go camel riding with Padme's Sister. Meanwhile, what's everyone else gonna do? Well, again the answer, my dears, is simple. They're gonna hire a bouncy castle! What fun!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Author Note: Well folks...this is the last chapter we're sharing with Flying Beastie...oh wait, no it isn't...I'm getting ahead of myself here...Well I'm excited, so can u blame me? Its my 18th birthday in one...two...three...four...(counts how many days till her birthday) 22 days and I'm so excited! I've never been 18 before! **

**So I hope you enjoy this chapter, and if not, tough! Lol**

**oOo**

Some time later, Rose had disappeared with Padme's Sister, and Captain Jack noticed that two camels and a bag of grapes were missing from the TARDIS. As everyone joined together in one huge search party, a huge shadow fell overhead (again with that _falling _overhead thing? My word...lots of things like to fall overhead, don't they!). The shadow engulfed the Mansion and began to descend, slowly. Mayuko-Chan dropped her mouth in awe, and Silent Seabreeze screamed "Oh my god! I've always wanted one of those!...What is it?"

As the huge BOUNCY CASTLE (I love those things! Better than trampolines. More colourful!) touched down, everyone stepped as far back as they could, then leapt forwards as one, bouncing a hundred feet into the air! Ok, a hundred feet's a bit of an exaggeration (however you spell it...yeah yeah, I know. IT. Ha ha!)...Well anyways, it was actually more like 99.99 feet. Then when they landed again, they began bouncing about madly.

oOo

"_It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark.  
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart.  
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it.  
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes.  
You're paralyzed_."

"Rose, shut up," Padme's Sister groaned.

"What, I'm singing. I'm allowed to sing if I want to!"

"But why are you singing Thriller?"

"I wasn't...actually I was. Oh well. _You hear a door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run.  
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun_."

Padme's Sister urged her camel faster and it ran away over the hill, with Rose's close behind.

oOo

"According to classical aerodynamics, it is impossible for a bumblebee to fly," the Doctor announced to no-one in particular as he and the others lay in the lush meadow outside Beastie's mansion later on. They'd bounced themselves out and couldn't find the energy to get up off the grass where they'd crashed after the castle had burst (oops!). The Yacht was parked in the cinema, and the plane in the pool, so there was pleanty of space for everyone to just laze around.

"Doctor, do you ever shut up?" MysticalBeckie asked, and the Doctor grinned.

"I'm just a mouth on legs, me...and WAIT A MINUTE! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"

"Me? I'm MysticalBeckie," the newest addition to the story replied. "Nice to meet you. How do you do. Blah de blah blah, and all that."

"Likewise, I'm sure," the Doctor replied. Then a new thought crossed his mind. "If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?"

oOo

Flying Beastie and The Doctor's Clone were ever so slightly lost in the giant maize maze (he he, I love that!) that had grown overnight outside the Mansion...well actually, when I say ever so slightly, I mean that they hadn't actually seen the outside of the maze for three days.

"But it was only built last night," the Doctor Clone pointed out.

"You really are like you're original, aren't ya! You smart arse know it all!" Padme's Sister snapped, and The Doctor Clone jumped.

"Where are you? I thought you were on a camel trek with Rose?"

"I am!"

"Then how are you talking to me?"

"Magic."

oOo

Meanwhile, out in the desert...or is it dessert? I forget. Oh well, the one with sand, you know? Not the one with ice cream and chocolate sprinkles and stuff. Mmmm.

"If you could have one thing from Harrods, what would it be?" Padme's Sister asked as she finally allowed Rose to draw nearer again, and after she'd finished spooking the Doctor's Clone.

"Erm, I dunno," Rose replied, munching away happily on a bag of grapes. "Oh wait, yes I do! Two scoops of chocolate, a scoop of vanilla, loads of whipped cream, hot chocolate sauce and chocolate sprinkles. Does that count as one thing? Ice cream is my thing. Can't help it. Making up my own flavours would be great. They have personal shoppers don't they? Could they sort it out? Maybe Jammy Dodger flavour...why are you looking at me like that?"

"Why do I bother?" Padme's Sister groaned.

"Grape?" Rose offered.

"No thanks."

"But they're special grapes."

"I don't care...how special?"

"Very special. They have something in them."

"I don't care...what's in em?"

"Vodka."

"Vodka grapes?"

"Yeah. Want one?"

"Go one then. But just one...maybe two...alright then, three. Can you get drunk on grapes?"

"You can on mine!" Rose grinned.

oOo

"I love the Cybermen," the Doctor shouted out to the world, from the top of the Mansion...hang on a minute...I thought the Cybermen were the Doctor's deadliest enemies apart from the Daleks? Doctor, why do you love them?

"Because if you love your enemies, it gets 'em really confused!"

They're not the only ones.

Anyways...

"No, seriously. You should never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. I mean, a group of Mickeys would be deadly!"

Ye-ah...I'll bear that in mind when I'm interviewing for the position of Doctor 11.

"Doctor 11?"

"I think she's trying to tell you something," Miss Kiwi suggested, helpfully.

oOo

Some time later (because this is a special time skipping chapter)...

"I have ten little fingers and they all belong to me. I can make them do things, would you like to see?"

The loud singing voices floated over the hill and everyone sat up, confused.

"Who's that singing?" Stefan asked and everyone shrugged. Just then two camels charged over the hill.

"I can shut them up tight, or open them wide (Minds out of the gutter, please folks). Put them all together, or make them all hide," Rose sung at the top of her voice as she bounced up and down.

"I can make them jump high, I can make them jump low. I can fold them quietly and hold them all just so," Padme's Sister finished the song as the two camels came to a stop and both girls tipped sideways off them, giggling hysterically.

"They're drunk!" Timeless Escape laughed.

"No we're not! I'm not an alco...alco...alco-pop?...alco-hooligan?...alco-hole...ALCOHOLIC!" Padme's Sister cried, (although these last few chapters beg to differ.)

"No, Joshwales forced me to get drunk the last time...and this time...ok it was me, but I turn eighteen in a month, so I'm allowed to celebrate!"

Rose, meanwhile, was trying to think of another word.

"Par?...parsnip?...party?...parsley?...partner?...perley?...PARLAY!"

"Parlay?" Captain Jack frowned. "Why have you envoked the right of parlay? And with whom?"

"I...I envoke the right of parsley with my bed!" Rose announced, before passing out in Jack's arms.

"Give her back to me!" the Doctor ordered at once, threatening Jack with his sonic probe.

"Thats SCREWDRIVER!"

Ok, whatever. Just threaten Jack please?

"GRRRR (points screwdriver at Jack) I said, GIVE HER BACK TO ME!"

"NO!" Jack replied stubbornly, scooping Rose into his arms and running off into the Mansion with the Doctor in hot pursiot. Pursiot? I mean pursuit.

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" Stefan and the others chanted as they ran after them.

"Chaos, panic and disorder...my work here is done," Padme's Sister grinned, rubbing her hands together in glee. And then she fell backwards into the pool.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author Note: Hey guys, sorry its been aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages since I last posted, but I've been so busy turning 18, driving and winning at bingo that I haven't had time yet. Anyways, I actually have quite a serious authors note today (and a rather long one, actually)...uh-oh...**

**Ok, can I just say, **

**NEVER EVER EVER PUT FIREWORKS IN YOUR POCKET! DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, EVER TRY TO COPY WHAT THE DOCTOR DOES IN THIS CHAPTER, BECAUSE ITS DANGEROUS! **

**SO IS WHAT TIMELESS ESCAPE DOES TOO! SO DON'T COPY THAT EITHER! **

**(scans rest of chapter for any more dangerous should-not-be-attempted-at-home-type stunts) **

**OR WHAT JACK DOES ON THE BALCONY! **

**OR...oh no, thats it...SO DON'T DO IT! **

**YEAH? **

**AND IF YOU DO, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU! **

**BECAUSE I DID! **

**SO THERE!**

**Oh, and Flying Beastie's story's in hiatus (apparently) , so that means - oh no, wait...sorry..._was _in hiatus. He's just informed me that he now has too much time on his hands, and The Brand New Adventures Of Flying Beastie are only just beginning...sounds fun! But not as fun as mine! Lol...nothing like a bit of self advertising to start the day...that, with a hint of pride and loads of chocolate make the day so much more fun! Lol.**

**Enjoy!**

**oOo**

Timeless Escape waited impatiently in line at the front of the DIY and Home Furnashings (is that right?) store, glancing at her watch every five seconds to see if the time had changed. When the doors eventually opened, she ran past the other shoppers, straight to the back of the store, skidded on the shiny floor and skated across to the paint.

"Hmmm, cornflour white, cloud white, snow white, frost white, blue white, red white, pink white, white white...all they have is white!" she cried as she looked at the different paints. Then she shrugged and began loading the trolley - not hers, another shoppers. She'd just borrowed it without asking - and then she went round to the other sections.

An hour later, she was loading up her car - a little red, white and blue mini she'd found in the TARDIS - with everything she'd brought. There was a comfy arm chair tied on top, a matress and the tins of paint inside, along with a broom, a mop and a ball of string...and no room for her to sit.

"Oh damn," she sighed, when she realised. Then she saw the mop, broom and string, and was struck by a brilliant idea. Tying the mop and broom together, sitting a brick under the front wheel, setting a paint can on the clutch and putting the car into gear, she tied everything with bits of string that would reach up to the chair. And then she started the engine and climbed up into the chair on top (and yes folks, if you've seen Mr Bean, you know what's gonna happen now!)

Feeding the broom through the window, into the footwell and onto the accelerator, she jerked the string attached to the brick and the other attached to the can on the clutch, pulling them away from what they were holding and she was off! Using the string attached to the steering wheel to stear, and the broom to operate the pedals, she drove the car down the road back towards the TARDIS from the comfort of the arm-chair. Of course the heavy load meant that the poor mini couldn't travel very fast, but she didn't mind. She was enjoying the light breeze, and the view. Plus she couldn't change to anything higher than first gear, so she wouldn't have been able to go very fast anyway.

oOo

Rose, meanwhile, had woken up back in her room, only to find Captain Jack and the Doctor sword fighting out on the balcony (because the TARDIS is magic and has balconies...and even a garden!).

"Crapulum terriblem habeo" she groaned, then frowned. She tried again. "Crapulum terriblem habeo." Nope, that definately wasn't English. It sounded Latin. Frowning again, she wandered onto the balcony.

"Doctor? Crapulum terriblem habeo," she said and he looked at her.

"Well what do you expect! You can't get drunk, then not expect to have a hangover the next morning."

"What did she say?" Jack asked in confusion, as they put their swords down, fight forgotten.

"She said that she had a terrible hangover, stupid!"

"No she didn't! She said something different...like in a different language. And why can't you try being nicer for once?"

"I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter!" the Doctor snapped, then he frowned. "Rose, were you speaking latin then?"

Rose shrugged, not knowing what the hell was going on.

"Ok, um...say something else."

Rose thought for a moment, then she grinned and said "Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus! (lets all wear mood rings!)"

"O...k...Rose is speaking latin and only the Doctor can understand her...this is gonna be fun," Jack sighed. Then he leapt over the balcony, landed in the swimming pool and scrambled out, then ran away to tell the others.

"Why doesn't he just use the door, like everyone else?" the Doctor wondered and Rose shrugged. Then she thought of something else. "Doctor?"

"Mmmm."

"Braccae tuae aperiuntur." Then she rushed out of the door, stiffling a giggle as the Doctor worked out what she said.

"Your fly is open? Who's fly?" He looked down and saw what she meant. "Oh _my_ fly...Oh my god! Not again!"

oOo

Meanwhile, meanwhile (coz we've already had a meanwhile this chapter), Timeless Escape was almost home now, and as she pulled up at the junction leading onto the road that the TARDIS was parked on, she wondered what everyone would make of her weird driving style. However, as she pulled away, onto the hill, the end of the broom came off.

"Oh no!" she cried as she lost control of the car and it went whizzing down the hill. Pulling out her mobile, she rung Padme's Sister.

"Oi! Open the TARDIS doors! Quick! And every door leading to Miss Kiwi's room! Do it!" And then she hung up again. Padme's Sister didn't have time to argue, so she did as Timeless Escape asked and seconds later, the mini came shooting into the TARDIS and Timeless Escape managed to just about steer it down the corridors and into Miss Kiwi's room, where she crashed into the bed, sending feathers everywhere with a gigantic POOF! (Again, minds out of the gutters folks...I know its easy to mis-interpret, but please don't.)

"Is that my stuff?" Miss Kiwi asked from under a blanket of feathers.

oOo

"And now! The end is near! And so we face, the final curtain!" The Doctor belted out as he stood in the TARDIS doorway. Beastie and his crew were gathered round the TARDIS, saying a sad farewell to their friends...well it would have been, had they not been high on laughing gas.

"Come on," Mayuko-Chan moaned, dragging the Doctor back inside by his collar, and slamming the door shut. "Lets go! I'm bored!"

"Ok! What's with all the exclamation marks?"

"I don't know!"

The Doctor shrugged and went to the console, singing a new tune (that I made up myself...I'm dead chuffed!)

"_We're flying in the TARDIS, we're off to outer space._

_To see the mighty Cybermen and the nasty Dalek race._

_And shaking shaking shaking. Shaking as we fly._

_Shaking like a milkshake_

_Across the starry sky._

_And running through a spaceship_

_Or saving human lives_

_We'll go there and back again - _"

"With the Doctor by our sides!" Rose finished triumphantly, and he spun round, grinning at her madly.

"You're not Latin anymore!"

"I know!" Rose cried, and then they did another of their hug things, like after the Queen Victoria and Werewolf incidents. Anyone would think they were monster spotters or something. I can just imagine them in their eighties...well when Rose is 80 and the Doctor is...erm...very old...sitting in the TARDIS with their binoculars, notebook and a copy of the Monster Spotter's Guide To the Galaxy sitting between their thermos flasks and little camp chairs. Can't you?

Nope?

Just me then?

Ok...moving swiftly onwards...

oOo

Miss Kiwi was having real trouble decorating her room. After wrapping everything (and I mean everything! Each individual bit of fruit in the bowl, the door handles, everything!) in newspaper, she'd tried to paint the white paint onto the walls with a paintbrush...but as she'd dipped it into the tin, the bristles had fallen of, leaving her with an empty handle. So she'd stuck one of her cuddly toys onto the handle and tried again...but that had only ruined her pink bunny, so now she was out of ideas.

Just then the Doctor happened to be passing by, and peered in.

"Need a hand?"

"Got any ideas for how to get all my walls white?" Miss Kiwi asked, and the Doctor thought for a moment, before grinning and producing a firework from his pocket (Serious warning! Never EVER keep fireworks in your pocket! They could go off and leave a huge hole in your pocket that your money will fall out of! Disaster!) and stuck it in the tin.

"Clear the room!" he announced, and Miss Kiwi, seeing the lighted match heading for the fuse, dived out of the room.

Now, does anyone else think the Doctor has a slight fetish for blowing things up? I mean, Rose's shop, Casandra and the Earth (kind of), the Gelth, Downing Street, the Dalek (kind of), the Jagrafess (kind of), Jack's ship, the locks on the zombies cells, the Krillitaines, the Cybermen...There's practically an explosion every episode!

Anyways, he dived out of the room too and slammed the door shut behind him, then dragged Miss Kiwi away around a corner. They both covered their ears and waited for the explosion.

BOOM!

Uncovering their ears, they started back towards the room. On the way, they passed Briar Elwood, covered in paint.

"What on Raxacoricofallapatorious (never ever ask me to type that again!) was that all about?" The Doctor wondered, watching Jack stagger down the coridoor, leaving white footprints behind him.

When they got back into the room, everything was perfectly white, except for a Briar Elwood shaped patch of wall near the door.

"Oh...now I get it," the Doctor muttered, then burst out laughing. Miss Kiwi did too, and ended up laughing so hard that she fell over backwards.


	17. Chapter 17

"Show me the way to go home, boom ba doom ba doom. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed, boom ba doom ba doom," The Doctor was singing as he wandered around the console, hitting buttons needlessly every now and then.

"Erm Doctor, you are home," Rose pointed out as she looked up from the magazine she was reading (Spongebob Squarepants - Halloween special). Then Jack darted into the room, carrying a pair of shoes that vaguelly resembled ice skates...actually, no, that's a lie...they were just a pair of old boots with knives tied to the bottom.

"Where ya goin Jack?"

"I wanna go ice skating. Haven't skated since that time in the arctic when I had to skate for three days across frozen ice, just to try and escape that bloody Norrington!"

"Erm, yeah...whatever," Rose shrugged, going back to her magazine. "Ooh! Pop out mask!"

Just then Padme's Sister wandered in. "I'm bored!"

"I wanna go ice skating!" Jack whined.

"Ice skating? Who's going ice skating? Can I come?" Padme's Sister piped up. "Pwease? Pwetty pwease with a cherry on top? Oh please take me with you!"

"Can we Doctor?" Jack asked.

"I don't see why not," the Doctor shrugged, flicking a switch. There was a heavy jerk and the TARDIS landed on an ice rink, skidded along then crashed into a snow pile. An avalanche of snow fell on top, burying it, and sending the temperature inside into sub-zero ice cold warmth.

Hang on, sub zero ice cold _warmth_? What on New Earth? Oh, you know what I mean, anyway...so...

"Doctor, we're cold!" Rose and Miss Kiwi moaned, frantically trying to keep warm by jogging on the spot and hugging themselves.

"I'm not," Timeless Escape replied cheerfully, emerging from the wardrobe, and looking like the Mitchellin Man. She was wearing almost every single item of clothing from the TARDIS's wardrobe and could now barely move. But she was happy. Unlike everyone else, who were trying to stop themselves from freezing to death.

"Dddddid you aaaaaactually leave an...an...any clothes in the wwwwwwardrobe?" the Doctor stuttered, breaking an icicle from his fringe and dropping it at his feet.

"Erm...there's this scarf...it was too long for me though...whoever knitted you a twenty foot scarf certainly had way too much time on their hands!"

"Tttttttwenty fffffffoot scarf?" everyone gasped. Then there was a mad dash towards the wardrobe.

oOo

Timeless Escape had, infact, missed a whole level of the 13 storey wardrobe, and it just so happened that it was the one that held all the thick winter coats, so now everyone was at least wrapped up warm and ready to skate.

The Doctor had also managed to find just enough skates for everyone, so Jack didn't have to use his makeshift ones after all. Now they were all skating about on the frozen lake outside the TARDIS...well, I say skating. I actually mean falling flat on their backsides every ten seconds.

"Oof!" Mayuko-Chan exclaimed as she skidded to a halt, before falling down. I guess that way it doesn't hurt as much. Well...I'm only guessing. Could hurt more for all I know. After all I've only ever been ice skating once and -"Get on with it!" The Doctor snapped, so Padme's Sister skated up behind him and shoved him hard in the back.

"Heeeeeeeeelp!" he screeched as he rocketed across the lake and into another snowdrift.

"Wheee!" Timeless Escape cried as she whizzed past, fell over backwards then bounced back up and skated off again.

"See, I told you all those layers of clothes would come in handy!" she grinned. "They keep you warm AND make great crash pads!"

"S'cuse me! Coming through! I can't see a thing!" Silent Seabreeze cried as she zoomed past - the twenty foot scarf wrapped right up round her face and over her eyes. And even then, there was still about ten feet dragging along behind her.

"Free lift!" TTDC (The Tenth Doctor's Companion, incase you'd forgotten) yelled, jumping on the end of the scarf and allowing Silent Seabreeze to drag her along.

Ads230...who I'm gonna call Ads from now on...was sitting at the side of the lake, shivering like mad. The Doctor, having recovered from his snow drift attack skated over, tumbled head over heels and landed on his back beside Ads, looking up at him.

"Hi."

"Hi," Ads stuttered back as he frantically rubbed his arms. "Can we go somewhere warmer, please?"

"Yeah it is a bit chilly in't it," the Doctor agreed. "I can't even feel my glasses, I'm so cold."

"Doctor?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not wearing any glasses."

"Oh...that be why I can't feel them then, I guess. But yes, we can go somewhere warmer, I think. Where would you like to go? Name your terms."

"Somewhere warm."

"Yes I know that one, but anything else...anything more specific?"

"Erm...somewhere warm and sunny?"

"Why do I bother?" the Doctor sighed as he pushed off from the bank with his feet, and skidded back towards the TARDIS on his back.

"Hey everyone!" he called as he staggered back to his feet at the TARDIS. "Inside, now!"

"Why?" Padme's Sister asked as she skated in a circle around Jack.

"Because there's free ice cream inside?" the Doctor replied. He immediately regretted it as he was pelted with snowballs. "Ok, maybe not the right type of bribe...erm...FREE HOT CHOCOLATE?"

There was huge crash as Jack fell through the hole in the ice that Padme's Sister had accidentally made around him, and then there was a major stampede to the TARDIS again.

"Seriously, these stampedes have to stop!" The Doctor moaned from the snow drift where he'd been pushed, yet again.

oOo

"So, where are we going?" Miss Kiwi asked as the Doctor plugged Mysticalbeckie's I-pod into the TARDIS console.

"Well, I'm gonna use the I-pod's randomiser to choose our next location, so we'll either end up in some completely random, and hopefully warm place...or we'll end up inside Cascada.

"Casc-who?" Who Wolf and Kates Master asked together.

"Cascada!" Rose, Padme's Sister and Mysticalbeckie cried together, then they started bouncing round the console singing.

_"Everytime we touch, I get this feeling._

_And everytime we kiss, I swear I can fly!_

_Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last._

_Need you by my side!_"

"Oh, Cascada!" Ldyknight cried. "I thought you said Cassandra!" Then she and Stefan joined in the dancing and singing too.

"_Your arms are my castle, yor heart is my sky._

_They wipe away tears that I cry._

_The good and the bad times, we've been through them all._

_You make me rise when I fall!_

_Coz everytime we touch, I get this feeling. _

_And everytime we kiss I swear - "_

"We're here!" the Doctor interupted, rather rudely and everyone death glared him.

"Nope, won't work this time," The Doctor replied stubbornly. Then he stepped out of the TARDIS door. There was a whoosh and he shrieked like a girl as an arrow embedded itself in the woodwork next to his head. "But that will! HEEEEEELP! We're under attack!"

Padme's Sister peered carefully out of the door and then grinned. "Hey Robin!"

"Who the hell are you?"

"Hey Muck - I mean Much!"

"Wait, are we in Sherwood?" Joshwales asked as he joined Padme's Sister in the doorway. She turned to him in surprise.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"I've been right here, this whole time."

"Oh...well you've been awfully quiet."

"Sorry. Been busy watching Torchwood."

"You've been making a torch out of wood?" Briar Elwood asked, bemused, as he joined them in the doorway.

"Ok, this doorway's getting a little cramped now," Padme's Sister gasped. There was a loud POP and all three of them tumbled from the door, landing flat in a pile of leaves. The others followed them out, and gasped as they realised they were surrounded by outlaws.

"I surrender! I surrender! Just please don't hurt me!" Ads shrieked, throwing his hands in the air and whacking Little John in the eye.

"Ow! Why you little - "

"EEEEK!" Ads screamed, running away into the woods with Little John chasing him.

"Hey Robin, long time no see," Padme's Sister greeted as she walked up to the leader of the outlaws, Robin Hood.

"Heya back. How've you been?" he asked as they walked away towards the camp fire together.

"And what's with all the facial hair? You need a shave mate!"

"So...erm..." Much muttered as he looked at his toes. Rose took it upon herself to make the introductions, seeing as no one else would.

"I'm Rose Tyler, and these are my friends, Ldyknight, Ads230 aka Ads, Silent Seabreeze, Briar Elwood, The Tenth Doctor's Companion aka TTDC, Mayuko-Chan, Miss Kiwi, Timeless Escape (who is, for some unknown reason, still wearing all those layers of clothes), Joshwales, Light Queen of Lilies, Cloudhaven94, Who Wolf, Kates Master, Souless-Tears, Stefan, Mysticalbeckie, The Doctor and Captain Jack...and of course, you've met the author I take it?"

"Oh yeah, just didn't recognize her."

"Ahem," Jack interupted and Rose turned to him.

"What?"

"You got my name wrong."

"I said Captain Jack...what more do you want?"

"Captain Jack SPARROW if you please!"

"Fine, alright, may I introduce Captain Jack Once-a-very-flexible-all-loving--fifty-first-century-time-agent-called-Harkness-now-called-SPARROW. He's a pirate."

"Pirate? As in outlaw?"

"If you like, " Jack shrugged.

"So, you rob stuff, yeah?" Allan A Dale asked, finally stepping away from the other outlaws.

"Rob? Me? Never! I'm just dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly."

"That...actually makes sense!" Much replied after thinking about it for a while.

"Yeah, well don't think too hard. You might hurt yourself," The Doctor muttered as he climbed the nearest tree.

"Why am I climbing the nearest tree?"

Erm...good point. How about to get a better view?

"Alright then. So I'm the lookout, yeah?"

You can be whatever you want.

"Actually I can't."

Why not?

"Well, I wanna be a Jedi, but I can't."

The Jedi are made-up! How can you be a made up character who isn't even real?

"Well, Darth Vader's not real! Nor is V. But they were still in the story!"

Yeah alright, again good point. Fine. You can be a Jedi.

"Yay! I'm gonna change my name to...hmmmm...Docty-One Tardobi."

Docty-One Tardobi?

"Yeah, you know, like Obi-Wan Kenobi...Docty is from Doctor and Tardobi is from TARDIS. The One in the middle is coz I'm only 1...No, hang on, wait...I'm 900. I mean there's only one of me."

"There's only one of everyone, you plank!" Joshwales snapped.

"Actually, there are about a dozen Rose's running about somewhere, a million Cybermen and Daleks and countless other doubles, so don't call me a plank, you moron!"

O...K...me thinks the Doctor has lost his mind. Anyways...

oOo

"So, how've you been?" Robin asked again for the second time as he and Padme's Sister toasted marshmallows...mellows...whatever over the campfire.

"I've been...well...stuck in this weird story for god knows how long, but apart from that, great!"

"Oh good. Marian was asking about you the other day."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Said she needed some advice on how to deter Gisbourne."

"He still bothering her?"

"Yup."

"And why does she want help from me?"

"Because you seem to deter men."

"Charming!" Padme's Sister huffed. "I don't deter them! Its just that all the guys I like are already taken. Thats all."

Then her stick caugh fire and she had to drop it. "Bugger it!"

"Here, have mine." Robin offered his marshmellowmallow to her. She took it and popped it in her mouth, then spat it back out again and howled in pain.

"God thats hot!"

"Sorry," Robin muttered. "I'm not a very good cook."

"Me either. The other day I blew up my microwave," Padme's Sister replied (and I'm not lying. I actually did. Was cooking popcorn and left it on for five seconds longer than I was supposed to. That was all. 5 seconds! And when I come back, thick black smoke pouring out of the door! The damned thing won't work now, and my house smells of burning popcorn. Not nice!)

But anyways...I like saying that, don't I? Anyways...anyways...anyways...anyways (voice trails off into the distance and yet another narrator takes over).

oOo

"Did you know, you're not the first time travellers to arrive here?" Much told Rose as they wandered through the forest together.

"Oh? Who else is here?"

As if in answer to her question, Much pulled a branch aside and there, in the middle of the forest, sat Flying Beastie and Maid Marian...snogging!

"Is it just me, or does Beastie snog an awful lot?" Rose muttered as they quietly slipped away so as not to disturb the love birds.

"You know him?" Much whispered as they scouted around the clearing where Beastie and Marian were.

"Yeah. He used to be in this story, but the Doctor expelled him after he destroyed the wardrobe, so he went and started his own story. We keep bumping into each other though. Everywhere we go, they seem to be there already."

"Hmmm, sounds very Bad Wolfish to me."

"Oh don't start! I had this conversation with the Doctor the other day, asking what the hell Bad Wolf was all about, so he pulls out his series 1 box set and shows me the last episode. I get freaked out just thinking about it. I mean, me...a Goddess? I don't think so!"

"Why not? Would be fun. You could do whatever you wanted...kill who you wanted...bring back to life who you wanted..."

"True..." Rose pondered as they continued their treck. "Maybe I'll ask if I can become the Bad Wolf when we get back."

"Well why not. The Doctor's a Jedi now."

"He's what? Oh dear. We're all doomed."

"Yeah, he's calling himself Docty-One Tardobi."

Rose laughed so hard she fell off the branch that I forgot to mention she was balancing along.

"How very inconsiderate of you."

Just fall off the branch!

"Ow! Happy now?"

Yup. So, any-

"Say anyways again, and I'll send the Sheriff to cut out your tongue!"

"Much, that was a bit harsh. She'll punish you now."

Just then, Much fell into a big pile of HORSE POO! Maybe that'll teach him not to talk back to the author like that.

"Told ya so!" Rose laughed as she picked herself up off the floor and dusted herself down.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author Note: Hey Doodlebugs! This was going to be a Christmas Special, but then Christmas came and went, I waved as it passed by, and then remembered that I hadn't finished writing the chapter. So its an After Christmas Special...ok? Cool. **

**So this is what they got up to AFTER Christmas...and look out for a special guest appearance, and a scene similar to a very funny video I found the other day on YouTube. So enjoy!**

**oOo**

"Jingle Bells! The Sherrif smells! Robin layed an egg!" Ads slurred as he staggered through the woods a little later on, his hands clasping two golden goblets of wine.

"Ads? Are you alright?" Rose asked as he stumbled past her.

"Yup...just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fan, fan, fan, fan, fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!"

"O...k..." Rose replied slowly, raising her eyebrows at him. "Me thinks your not."

"Well can I tell you a secret?" Ads asked, coming closer and whispering in her ear, "I'm a little drunk. Can you tell?"

"Oh no, not at all," came the sarcastic reply and Ads grinned stupidly.

"See, now thats why I love you Rose Tyler...your funny! Your a funny yellow girl with a funny flower name."

"Oi! Is that an insult?"

"I love you Rose Tyler...L-U-R-V-E - lurve!"

"You mean L-O-V-E?"

"Thats what I said...O-L-I-V-E...buh-bye now..." and he staggered off again, leaving Rose confused.

"Olive? What? Oh never mind."

oOo

Meanwhile, Padme's Sister was calling up a tree to Robin, who was taking down all the christmas lights and decorations. They hadn't been able to find a Christmas Tree, so Robin had suggested decorating one of the ordinary trees instead. This was all going fine until it came to taking the decorations down again and he accidentally dropped a bauball. It bounced off Ads' head.

"Ow!" he looked up and saw Robin hanging from a branch above him.

"Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Its _you_! Oh, I love you! You know why? Because you're so _thick_! You're Mister Thick Thick Thickety Thick Face, from Thicktown, Thickania!" He paused for a moment, swayed a little and then added "And so's your Dad!"

Robin retaliated by lobbing another bauball at Ads, which again bounced off his head.

"Ow! Stop it!"

"Take it back then!" Robin called down.

"Take what back?"

"All that stuff you just said!"

Ads paused and thought for a moment, then shouted up "Dad ruoy s'os dna! Ainakciht, nwotkciht morf, ecaf kciht ytekciht kciht kciht retsim er'uoy! _kciht_ os ruoy esuaceb! uoy wonk yhw? uoy evol I! _uoy_ sti! oh-oh-oh-oh-ho!"

"Eh?" Robin and Padme's Sister (who had been silently pissing herself with laughter until that point) asked in unison. Then Padme's Sister flicker her fingers (an annoying habit I have now picked up) and pulled a mirror out of her pocket, holding it up to what Ads had just said.

"Oh! He's speaking backwards! Blimey! That's clever! Damned hard to type, but clever!"

"I know," Ads grinned stupidly, and then passed out.

"Speaking backwards?" Robin asked as he jumped off the branch and landed beside her. "I thought I said 'take it back', not 'wind it back'?"

Padme's Sister just shrugged.

oOo

Captain Jack Sparrow was wandering around a model of the Black Pearl that had appeared somewhere (don't know where though...), critisizing every little detail that was wrong.

"That rope's too short...that plank's not black enough...that sail's ripped too much...that cannon ball's too heavy..."

Just then there was a puff of blue smoke (coz we haven't had one of them for a while) and he turned back into Jack Harkness.

"Nooooooooooo! I want to be a Captain again!"

Erm, you are...duh!

"Oh...oh ya...he he...coolio! Hey, a word I've never used before and - "

Probably never will again?

"Yup. So where's the crew? Where's ma gang? Ma homies? Ma blood?"

Please don't.

"Don't what?"

Be something your not.

"Thats rich, coming from you!"

Stop right there!

"What, seriously...you maskerade all day as a responsible adult, when really your just a kid."

Ok, fair point. Now go do something random...this story's starting to get more sensible each chapter!

"GASP! SHOCK! HORROR!"

And don't be so dramatic.

"Spoil sport! I know, I'll go...erm...paint a dalek on a tree!"

Thats not random, thats just mental.

"There's a difference?"

Yes...no...do you know what? I'm not actually sure. I'M WALKING ON SUNSHINE! WOOHOO! I'M WALKING ON SUNSHINE! AND ITS TIME TO FEEL -

"I'm gonna go now."

Jack hurried away into the woods, pulling a huge gold necklace over his head and tying a bandana over his hair.

"Yo! Whats up ma homies!" he announced to a group of squirrels who were arguing over some nuts that...oh...hang on, that sounds dodgy. Let me rephrase that. They were arguing over some big nuts that...nope...try again. They were arguing over some round nuts...nope...ok, they were arguing over some peanuts...yeah! PEANUTS! They were arguing over peanuts! But then thats like saying they were arguing over nothing...hmmm...let me work on this and come back to it.

oOo

Meanwhile, Kates Master, Cloudhaven94 and Souless-tears were at the local car showroom, looking around the newest model of the Aston Martin DB9 .

"So what can you tell us about it?" Kates Master asked the salesman (who I'm gonna call Bob, despite the fact that his name tag says he's called Jim).

"Well, as you can see, its mostly carbon fibre, with power-assisted steering, airbags, alloys, sun roof, front and rear wheel drive, a six disk CD player, neons under the rims, three bottles of nitrous and nine drinks holders."

"Oooh! Sounds good!" Cloudhaven94 and Souless-tears nodded in agreement. Just then the doors burst open and the Doctor wandered in, wearing a long brown cloak over a tan coloured tunic. His sonic screwdriver hung from his belt, and he looked every part the Jedi he had now become.

"Excuse me, I'm interested in this fine motor too. Is there anything else you can tell us about it?" he said, and Bob shrugged.

"Nope don't think so."

"You will tell us what colours it is available in, whether it can handle travel in the Time Vortex, and if it is dimensionally transcendental," the Doctor -

"Ahem! Thats not my name anymore!"

Bugger! Its not? Oh yeah...sorry. So as I was saying, Docty-One Tardobi -

"Better."

Thanks. Well anyways, he said whatever he said a moment ago with a slight wave of his hand.

"Well I can tell you what colours it is available in, whether it can handle travel in the Time Vortex, and if it is dimensionally transcendental?" Bob replied, and Docty-One nodded.

"Carry on."

"Well erm...as you can see," Bob said, walking round to the back of the car and lifting up the boot. "Its got quite a large boot. That makes it dimensionally transcendental, I guess."

"A large storage compartment," Docty-One repeated thoughtfully. "Hmmm. Large enough for me, my apprentice, two droids...and no questions asked. Good. And how about the handling? Does it handle well?"

"Oh yes sir. There's a switch here, see?" Bob pointed inside to the display behind the steering wheel. "You can change between front, rear, or four wheel drive to suit whatever surface you're trying to cross."

"Good. And I see the speedo's metric. Thats good. No Imperial entanglement involved. Very good. How fast is it?"

"Well it can reach up to 210MPH Sir."

"210MPH? Can it outrun Imperial fighters?"

"I guess so."

"Ok good. My last ship couldn't."

"What did you have?" Kates Master asked.

"A long time ago, I had a Ford Galaxy, far far away." Then Docty-One turned back to Bob. "This light metalic colour's quite nice."

"Yes it is," Bob agreed.

"My last ship was a black Ford Focus, but the colour was a bit on the...dark side. But this is good."

Just then, Darth Vader walked in.

"Oh not you again," Docty-One groaned. Darth Vader brandished a baguette and waved it at Docty-One.

"My powers have increased since the last time we met. Then, I was but the apprentice. Now I am the Head Chef!"

"Really? You're roll's a little on the doughy side," Docty-One noted as he drew his own baguette on a clip board.

"Your cookery powers are week old man! Prepare to eat ham sandwich!" Darth Vader growled, launching an attack. Docty-one retaliated with his own baguette, and the two started a bread fight.

"Strike me down and you will lose you're no claims bonus," Docty-One warned as they duelled.

"Shit! Will I?" Darth Vader paused, looking mortified. "That wouldn't be good."

"Not good at all," Docty-One agreed. "How many do you have?"

"I've got four," Darth Vader replied.

"I've got six," Cloudhaven94 piped up.

"I've got three," Souless-tears added.

"I've got four too!" Kates Master replied triumphantly.

"Enough! Can we please get back to the fight?" Darth Vader asked.

"Oh yeah, sorry," Docty-One appologised, resuming the fight. Suddenly his baguette snapped in half.

"Bugger! Look, there's Luke!"

"Where?" Darth Vader spun on the spot, and Docty-One legged it out of the showroom, followed by Kates Master and Souless-tears. Cloudhaven94 was too busy pretending to drive the Aston to even notice.

"Brrrrrrruuuuuum! Eeeeeeeeeek. Vroooooooooooooom vrooooooooooooooooooom. E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eeeeeeeeeh. Vrooooooooooooooooooom! Nitrous! Yeah! Woooooo! A million miles an hour! VRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!"


End file.
